Torture Session
by heartofstone15
Summary: Just thought I'd jump on the bandwagon and add my mark to all the Invader Zim questionairs. Ask away. I own nothing of the Zim world, though it should be obvious by now.
1. Chapter 1

The room was dark until several spotlights shone from above onto two figures tied to chairs.

"Gahh! What's with the lights all of a sudden?" Dib winced. "The last thing I remember was a weird smell and then I wake up here tied to a chair with Zim next to me!"

"Release me or suffer my wrath!" Zim continued to struggle against the tight bonds. "I know you have something to do with this, Dib-smell. Let it be known that you will PAY!"

"How could I have anything to with tying you to a chair in a room when I'm tied to a chair in the same room?"

"Enough bickering," a voice echoed. "All will be explained. I am…"

"Who are you!" Zim yelled. "And what is the meaning of this?"

"Shut up! Weren't you listening? I just said all would be explained!" The voice retorted. "I am called Heartofstone15 and I have captured you and taken you to the horrible land of Fanfiction! You are my prisoners until I'm bored, so get used to it! You will be subjected to questions from fans. I am the almighty Goddess of this tiny portion of Fanfiction, so I will be the controller of your answers. Don't worry; I'll try to keep them in character."

"Why would you do such a horrible thing?" Dib demanded.

"Well lots of other writers are doing the same thing so I thought I should do the same, but mostly I'm bored and I needed an idea for another fanfic."

"No human filth controls the almighty ZIM! Release me now!" Zim screeched.

"Here, I don't have to be human," the voice replied calmly. "Just call me a writer."

"Release me anyway!"

"No, I don't want to. And for that, you're getting duct tape over your mouth."

Zim's yelling became muffled until he finally realized he wasn't going to escape and began to sulk.

"Great! Now that that's out of the way," the voice said. "Readers, writers, and insane fans! I offer you the sacrifice of these two characters! I will capture more characters if you ask in the reviews. With these sacrifices, you may question them, force them to do stuff, or throw junk at them. Just KEEP IT CLEAN! No badness from your dirty minds will be allowed in my tiny realm!"

"WHO are you talking to?" Dib raised an eyebrow.

"Your torturers! The people that choose to read this will bombard you with questions, comments, and shoes! I wonder if we'll get a zadr fan," mused the voice.

Dib gulped. "What's zadr?"

"Zadr is an acronym that stands for Zim And Dib Romance! Till tomorrow, folks!"


	2. Chapter 2

I interrupt your productive lives for some unproductive fun. Please keep all appendages inside until the end. Thank you and have a blast.

Dib was slumped over drooling in his chair when the unwanted voice of his captor rang through the dark room.

"Rise and shine, slaves! The fans have just left and I got all their money… I mean questions, comments, and wishes!" the writer shouted.

"Kill me now," Dib muttered.

"Sorry, kid. I'm not allowed unless the fans wish it!" the voice explained. "Any who! Let us see what we got here."

A list unrolled and circled the two captives. Squeals of joy could be heard.

"They love me! So happy," the voice cheered. "Ahem. Anyway, people talk about the looks on your faces when I mentioned zadr, bla bla bla. Oh! Zatr fan! This goes to Zimmyz teh best!"

The duct tape was ripped off Zim's mouth, along with some skin. Fast-paced footsteps could be heard. Soon Tak appeared from the shadows and she bowed in front of the two surprised captives.

"My Tallest! Thank you for..." She looked up. "YOU'RE not the Tallest!"

"Run, Tak! Run!" Both Zim and Dib shouted.

It was too late. Soon Tak joined the Tied to a Chair Club.

"Now, Tak. Kiss Zim. On the lips. Make it good."

Dib looked horrified. Tak, angry. Zim, just confused.

"What is this kiss thing you speak of? And what does it have to do with Zim's lips?" Zim demanded.

"I will not display a sign of human affection and especially not...Oomph!" Tak was roughly pushed into Zim, causing their lips to crush together.

"There. Was that so hard?" Heartofstone15 purred.

"That's how humans display affection? Disgusting!" Zim spat, trying to rid his mouth of Tak's saliva. "I prefer the beans!"

"Oh and Zimmyz teh best has a question for you, Zim," the writer said. "'Why are you so amazing?'"

Zim tried to look as proud as he could while strapped to a chair. "I guess I just am. I'm glad SOME human filthies can see the awesomeness that is Zim!"

"Next request comes from...uh oh," the writer groaned.

A girl burst forth from the darkness. "OH! Oh! Me! Me! Can I write this part? Plez!"

"NO, Mayo God. No you can't." The voice sounded very annoyed.

"I'll give you chocolate!" Mayo God sang.

"DEAL! Gimme chocolate!" The girl threw the bar of Hershey's into the shadows.

"Alright y'all have fun, m'kay!" Mayo God's voice screamed.

The lights dimmed onto the face of a heavy ebony woman, who slowly and tactfully walked up to the three victims.

"Yo gurl this is Shequana an' I am here fo' Mayo God." She said drawing her hands to her hips.

"Wait…WTF IS THI-"Dib screamed, but before he could finish his sentence he had been smacked with enough force to knock out a 7 ton rhino.

"Boy don't you yell at me! Oh H*LL naw!"

"Heh heh. Dib stink got slapped…" Zim snickered.

"Ow…. "Dib whined from the floor.

"Mhmm gurl! Don't f*ck with Shequana!"

"Okay…I think that's enough…" Heartofstone15 mumbled.

"Oh gurl H*LL NAW! Shequana ain't goin' nowhere till this little mofo learns was right 'round hea!"

"SECURITY!" Dib screamed which only made him receive another blow.

"That's enough Mayo God; you've made your character curse enough now that we probably won't be considered rated K anymore. Besides people probably now think were racist. Now say sorry to all the nice fans…"

"NO! BUHAHAHAHA!"

"GURL YOU TELL THAT MOFO!" Shequana screamed as Dib tried to inch out of Shequana's view. "BOY DON'T YOU RUN FROM ME!" She ordered as she chased Dib around the room.

"Oh…my...Irk…is that even legal?" Tak said worryingly.

"I'm just glad she hasn't hit ME yet." Zim sighed under his breath.

"YOU WANT SOME OF THIS? BOY I WILL CUT YOU!" She roared as she ran toward Zim.

"Great Irk…" Zim mumbled bracing for the blow that almost knocked him out of his chair.

Shequana got up off of Zim who was almost crushed under her body weight and declared, "I am done with you little mofo's. Mayo God let's get the f*ck out of this place."

"Alright, Shequana. Bye guys! TTFN! Thanks!"

Heavy sighing could be heard as Mayo God and Shequana left.

"That was good chocolate, but I'm not sure if it was worth it," the voice of Heartofstone15 said. "Oh well. That's up to the fans! Anyway, randomperson wants to yell at the Tallest!"

Two chairs rose from a hole in the floor. The Tallest, whom were strapped onto them, were arguing.

"Now look what you did!" Red accused. "How'd we end up here when we were only looking for the new snack room? We're not even ON the Massive!"

"How's it my fault?" Purple glared.

"My Tallest!" Zim shouted excitedly.

One could almost see the phrase "oh no" pass through both Tallest's minds at the same time.

"Tallest Red and Tallest Purple, you have been called forth so that randomperson can yell at you," Heartofstone15 announced. "Unfortunately, randomperson is not present so I will do the yelling. Ahem."

Silence for at least thirty seconds.

"You two are such JERKS! I mean come ON! Lying to a loyal soldier like that. He may ruin everything he touches, but STILL! ZIM IS AWSOME! And what you did to Skoogde was just...ergh! You guys suck! He was probably the best Invader ever but NOOoooOOO! He's short, fat, and ugly! Shoot him with the Canon Sweep! AAUGH!"

Though the yelling continued, the Irkens were just concerned with the fact that the Tallest were being insulted. Dib only cared that he had an opportunity to mock the Irkens.

"How dare you treat the Tallest this way, filth!" Tak growled.

"You're names are 'Red' and 'Purple'. Are you serious?" Dib burst into laughter.

"Hey! I recognize you!" Purple said randomly, looking at Dib. "You're that large-headed kid that danced with Zim's SIR in Zim's base!"

Dib glared at him. "I hate you."

"And sense you're not even listening to me anyway!" Heartofstone15 tsked. "Let's get on with the rest of randomperson's wishes. 'Dib: why is your head so big?'"

"It's not big!"

"And, for Zim: 'Be nicer to GIR! He's cute!'"

"Humans believe my SIR unit possesses this cuteness they see in the hair monsters?" Zim pondered out loud. "Perhaps I can use him to bend the humans to my will! The Peepi creature obviously could not follow commands. Yes. It just might work. MUHAHAHAHA!"

"I can hear you, Zim," Dib said. "I won't let you get away with any of your screams! You'll never take over Earth! I won't let you!"

Everyone was watching the two squabble.

"They fight similar to a bonded human couple," Tak muttered.

"Maybe that's why lots of people like zadr," Heartofstone15 said in awe.

"What's that?" the three Irkens asked, curiosity sketched over their faces.

"An acronym for a romantic pairing involving Dib and Zim," the writer explained. "Such pairings were invented by fan girls whom are insane by definition. I admit to being one but I prefer zagr. I have nothing against male and male or female and female pairings. DON'T KILL ME, FANS!"

"Just WHO are you yelling at?" Red demanded.

"The fans! They determine the make or break of my little empires! We must appease them at all cost!"

"Aren't fans something one could use to blow air with?" Purple commented.

"Well, yes, but there's also another meaning for fans!" the writer exclaimed. "A fan could be a person with an intense, occasionally overwhelming liking and enthusiasm for something. Getting some to like you is kind of hard but very rewarding in the end."

"Humans are strange," Red said.

"You don't know the HALF of it!" the writer exclaimed. "You haven't even heard about politics among us yet!"

"Humans can get WEIRDER!" Purple said in disbelief. "I thought being tall yet dumb was as weird as you could get!"

"Yes. Yes we can," Heartofstone15 sighed. "But we must talk about that later. We have a question from one Invader …Shit. Yup, there goes rated K! Anyway, this person says,' How about dib tell us y his head is so big?' So Dib, tell us again about your head."

"Stop calling it big! It's not big!"

"Anyway, we're out of time! So don't forget to click that review button so you can send me all of your wishes, comments, and questions! I'll make them do stuff for you people, even! Just remember! NO FILTH! And by the way, I GOT A POLL! Vote on it!"

I now return you to your productive lives. Scram.


	3. Chapter 3

Sniffling could be heard from the shadows.

"I worked so hard on her," Mayo God cried. "But none of the reviews said anything about Shequana."

"Don't worry!" Heartofstone15 comforted. "I'm sure you'll get some pity reviews sooner or later."

"I didn't like her," Dib grumbled.

"Don't listen to Dib! He's just angry 'cause he got beat up!" the writer said. "Anyway, that reminds me. I've got to check on the fan requests."

The sound of an opening door was followed by yelling voices. The door slammed shut.

"They're everywhere! And they want to come into my little domain! Man the forts! They're getting in!" Heartofstone15 screamed.

Suddenly the doors burst open. One fan ran up to the Tallest.

"YA! Tallests! I have something to say!" the fan grinned crazily. "You A***S! Be nicer to Zimmy!"

"'Zimmy'?" Zim mumbled.

Then the fan looked at Tak and Zim. "Yeeeeaaaaaah! Zim plus Tak equals love! KISS AGAIN!"

"Sure, fine, I'll make them kiss just get out!" the writer's voice shouted over the sound of fans pushing their way in.

The two Irkens tried to protest but were pushed together and just settled to getting the kiss over with.

"There! You humans happy?" Zim yelled, trying to get as far away from Tak as possible.

Tak was doing likewise. "Disgusting creatures," she muttered.

"Umm, Heartofstone15? I think another one got in," Mayo God said.

"Great! Just great! We better catch it before it causes any damage!"

"Too late," said Tallest Red.

"Hello Irkens and humans. First of all, I think that it's hilarious that you  
guys were captured and tied to chairs," Penonymous said, turning to each of the characters and addressing them. "Zim: You really need to get a life outside of trying to destroy or get revenge  
on Dib. It's like he's an obsession for you."

At this the fan gave a sly wink.

"Score! Zadr fan! Finally!" the writer cheered.

Zim gulped. "Does this mean I have to kiss HIM?"

"Tallest." Shoots them with water from a Super Soaker making them scream in pain. "Ooops! That was an accident."Causes a laser to shoot Red. "And so was that. lol, smoke machines are what the people really want, duh."

"Told you," Said Purple.

"Does everyone just want to hurt us?" shouts Red, eye twitching from the laser.

"Dib: I now unleash my friend Dani on you, the ultimate, stereotypical, crazed  
fangirl of Dibness. Beware!" At that the fan left and was replaced by a crazy girl in a t-shirt with Dib's face on it.

She jumped on him and smothered the poor boy with kisses. "I love you, Dib! Can I keep him? PLEASE!"

Dani looked in the general direction of where she thought was Heartofstone15, who was bursting with laughter.

"Oh great Irk! Look at his face! Sure, sure! You can keep him for the rest of the chapter!"

Dib was horrified and the fangirl squealed in pure, fangirly joy.

During all this commotion, another fan had sneaked in.

"Hehehehehe, you did a very nice job of yelling at red and purple! Now I will  
sic my friends evil rat dogs Toto and Copper on them *cackles insanely* look  
boys, fresh meat! *dogs start to maul someone OTHER than me!*"

"Hey, how'd you get in?" the writer looked at randomperson.

"AHH! GET 'EM OFF ME! GET 'EM OFF ME!" Purple screamed like a girl.  
"Dib: *gets really close* YOUR HEAD IS TOO BIG! GET OVER IT AND FACE IT LIKE A MAN!"

Dani hugged Dib closer. "I still love you!"

"Help me!" mouthed Dib.

"Zim: you'll only be able to take over the fangirls that way. Sorry."

"Aren't there a lot of them, though?" Zim asked. "Can't I hypnotize them with my awesome and have them take over the world for me?"

"That might work if there were any fangirls in your universe," remarked Mayo God.

"Oh," Zim looked disappointed.

"Tak: YOU ROCK!*gives doughnuts*Nice kiss lol byebye!"

"I like that one," Tak remarked, swallowing the donut.

"I don't," Red managed to say now that the dogs were gone.

Suddenly, ClockwerkOrange ran into the pool of light.

"Greets, peoples. Tak and Zim, you know you wuv each other," the fan cooed.

"No, we don't!" the two Irkens yelled at the same time.

ClockwerkOrange glared at them. "Don't even try to deny it. I SAW. I SAW!"

"Saw what?" Zim asked. Tak just shrugged in response.

The fan turned on the red Tallest. "Red. Two words. Smoke machines."

"What's with you humans and smoke machines?" Red asked.

"You're just angry because they're agreeing with me," Purple said smugly.

The fan turned on Dib. "Dib, your head is disturbingly large. You could fit a moose in there. DO YOU HAVE A MOOSE IN YOUR HEAD, DIB? HUH?"

"Will everyone PLEASE stop making fun of my head? And could someone get this crazy girl off mmph!" The fangirl once again started making out with the struggling Dib.

Everyone continued to ignore the scythe-haired boy as the fan turned to Zim.

"Oh, and Zim," Continues in a deep voice, "I'd like to play a game."

"Okay. A round of checkers maybe?" Zim grinned hopefully.

"There is a time bomb implanted in your body that will explode in twenty minutes unless the correct four-digit password is entered on the remote in the almighty author's hand"

"Hey! What's this button do?" the author said in the background.

"Don't touch ANYTHING!" Zim yelled.

"ALRIGHT! Shesh."

ClockwerkOrange ignored them. "Using the phrase "KQJQ", translate those numbers into a four-digit password and tell the author what to enter. You only have one try. If you fail, the bomb will detonate instantly."

Zim gulped.

"Or, just kiss Tak again. LIKE YOU MEAN IT! The choice is yours."

The fan disappeared and was replaced by a large digital timer which displayed the countdown in red numbers.

"I'll take the exploding," Zim said.

"How'd someone get a bomb in him anyway?" Mayo God asked.

"NO! Don't say things like that!" Heartofstone15 screamed.

"Why?"

"It'll get all wavy and we'll go into a flash back! Oh NO! It's too late!"

~~~flashback~~~

It was night and everyone was asleep. A door creaking could be heard. A ninja sneaks into the pool of light but freezes when a sound is heard.

"And ah….*snore* will ahlways lauve yoooouuuu! *snore*" slurred Heartofstone15.

The ninja shrugs and opens Zim's PAK, stuffing something in it.

~~~end flash back~~~

"Well that was….lame," Mayo God said.

"Wait. Can't you just open my PAK and take out the bomb?" Zim offered.

"It's wielded shut," Tak said.

"Now that just defies logic," Mayo God ranted. "How'd a freakin' WEILDING TORCH not wake us up?"

"Shut up you or…oh no," Heartofstone15 groaned.

~~~flashback~~~

The ninja had a wielding torch and mask and was sealing Zim's PAK when a shoe flew through the air and hit the stranger's head.

"Shut up! It's not morning yet!" Mayo God grumbled.

~~~end flashback~~~

"Can we please stop asking stuff and pay attention to the fact that I'm going to DIE in ten minutes?" Zim demanded.

"Just kiss Tak and get over it!" Purple yelled. "It's not like the author actually knows if the password is correct or not. She'll probably make you explode no matter what you put in."

"He's right, you know," offered Heartofstone15.

"If it were up to me, I'd have him explode," Tak said.

"I could use my magical powers of fanfictionalness to put you in a cheesy zatr state of mind so that you enjoy it," Heartofstone15 offered. "It should please the fans."

"Fine," Zim growled.

In an instant, both Zim and Tak were in chibi form. They looked at each other and their eyes turned heart-shaped. Random glitters floated around them.

"I 3 u," Zim squeaked.

"I 3 u, 2," Tak replied, equally squeaky.

They kissed as sweetly and passionately as they could tied to chairs.

Everyone was gawking.

"This is what zatr fans see when they think of Zim and Tak together?" Dib mumbled in disbelief.

"Hey, isn't the timer off now?" Red asked.

"Yeah but chibi is so cute!" Heartofstone15 squealed.

"Just think of the look on their faces if they get normal again while their still in chibi form and kissing," Mayo God said slyly.

"Oh! That's a great idea!" the author cackled insanely.

With that the two stopped and pulled away from each other so fast, their chairs fell over.

"OMG! YMI so sml? Y iz my vox so squeaky? Smbdy stp DIS mdns!" Zim shrieked.

"Y wz I :-*N Zim? Y cnt U jst die, Zim! Curse U fangirls!" Tak shrieked.

"That was funny until they started yelling," mumbled the author. "I think my ears are bleeding. Go back to your normal forms already!"

With that, the two shrieking aliens reverted back to their normal forms. Their chairs were up righted again and duct tape was plastered to their mouths.

"Ah!" sighed Mayo God. "Silence is golden."

"Duct tape is silver," snickered Heartofstone15. "Hey! The fans have all left! Just one letter in the mail box."

"Lemme read it," Mayo God scanned it before handing it back.

The writer read it then began cackling wildly.

"What? What's so funny?" Purple demanded.

A screen came down in front of the victims.

"Hey! It's Fred!"

***later***

"Thank you CityGirl1013 for your fabulously evil idea!" the author announced as the screen rolled up.

"The madness... The madness..." Red murmured in horror.

"I need to delete that from my memory banks," Purple agreed.

"All right Dani, scram. Shows over!" the author said.

"NO! Don't let them take me, Dibbers! I love you!" the fangirl cried as she was thrown into a sack and tossed outside.

Dib's face was covered in lipstick kisses. Eye twitching, he mumbled, "My mouth hurts."

"Well that's it for today, folks! Dang! This chapter was LONG!" the author remarked. "As always, review or no chapter for you!"


	4. Chapter 4

Once upon a time, a teenage girl got bored. She searched the internet high and low for something to do. What felt like years later, she found the answer to all her problems. Or at least her problem with boredom. She would write random stories that no one cares about! This is one of those stories.

(Screen pans from epic sunrise to an abandoned warehouse. The door opens slowly and we see one human tied to a chair, one asleep on the ground, and four Irkens tied to chairs. They are wearing fish hats.)

"We welcome you back to None of Your Business with our host, Jeff Darwin," some random announcer guy announced. "Here we see the rare and mystical Insanapotumus in its daily activities. Be careful, these creatures can be very hostile."

Mayo God awoke, yawned, and scratched herself sleepily.

"Simply amazing," the announcer guy announced again.

Mayo God turned, surprised, at the noise and glared at the announcer guy.

"I think we've been spotted," said the announcer guy again. "In these situations, its best to stay still so that it loses interest."

Mayo God stood up and started toward the camera, growling.

The camera guy started to run but soon a fish hat smacked over the camera, reducing the scene to blurry static.

"Caught another one of those announcing guys with cameras, Heartofstone15!" Mayo God yelled.

"Remind me to call the exterminator! Those things are everywhere."

"Sure thing. Hey, we got mail!" Mayo God waived around a stack of letters.

"Cool. Give 'em here." Mayo God handed the papers to the shadows.

The sound of tearing could be heard followed by bored humming.

"Looks like Invader Kit is not happy with our current levels of zatrness. I would tell you unfortunates what they were if the level measuring thing had not broken during the last chibi mode. The fans wish for more chibi."

Suddenly all characters reverted to chibi mode, magically became unstrapped to their chairs, and started dancing the Caramell Dansen. After a minute or so, everything returned to normal…ish.

"Invader Kit says 'screw you, Dib' and wants Gaz to join the Tied to a Chair Club."

A wormhole appeared and spat out Gaz tied to a chair.

"Whoever you are, if you don't let me go right now, you will suffer horribly," Gaz growled, darkness growing around her.

Suddenly, with the sound of a popped balloon, the darkness around Gaz deflated and dissipated.

"You're powers of darkness are controlled by me here! Bwahahaha!" cackled the author. "Ahem. Anyway, the Tallest are to be put in a dunking booth!"

The two Tallest appeared tied together in a carnival style dunking booth. Mayo God stepped up in a red and white striped suit.

"Step right up! Step right up! Injure the Irken Empire's current Tallest! Red and Purple! Free!"

The line stretched for miles and Heartofstone15 used the magical powers of authorness to make everyone hit the target.

By the time the carnival closed, the two Irkens' skin was peeling like really bad sunburn.

"Ow," Purple mumbled.

"Okay then," Heartofstone15 mumbled. "Next Jmrbob wants either zatr or zagr. I'm kinda bored with making Zim and Tak kiss so it's time for some zagr!"

Tak tried to sigh in relief with duct tape over her mouth. Dib and Zim were horrified.

"Mmm mmm mmmm!" protested Zim.

"I don't know what Zim just said but if it has anything to do with kissing my sister, I probably agree with him!" Dib shouted.

Gaz's eye twitched. "I am not going to kiss Zim."

The duct tape was torn off of Zim's mouth and before he could protest, he was pushed into Gaz. Immediately he pulled back from the kiss and began screaming and frothing at the mouth.

"Why is he doing that?" Dib stared at the alien.

"Don't you get it?" Heartofstone15 scoffed. "Humans are water based life forms. Our own saliva is a natural weapon against Irkens. You wouldn't believe how many Irken-human romances there are that don't explain why the Irken doesn't burn when they are kissed by the human. Oh well. We fangirls love them anyway. It doesn't have to make sense!"

"That explains a lot," grumbled Dib. "Anyway, at least Zim is in pain and Gaz will probably kill him later."

Zim, who had healed enough to speak, thought out loud,"This gives me an idea to cause pain to the Dib-smell. Mehehehe. MwaHAHAHAHA! Ehem."

The duct tape was torn off Tak's mouth. "Ow!"

Zim and Tak were pushed together causing them to kiss.

"Hey, what gives!" Tak demanded. "I thought you said you were bored with zatr!"

"I lied," the writer said smugly.

The door slammed open and in walked randomperson. "How I got in WILL NEVER BE REVEALED! NEVER!"

"We all just saw you come through the door," Mayo God pointed out.

"Ahem. *blushes* Hey Tallest, how did you like the doggies! There's more where that came from! MWUHAHAHAHA! Here we go. Have fun!"

The Tallest appeared in a MMA ring. The current heavyweight champion preceded to body slam them.

"Why must everyone hate us!" Red screamed. "WHY?"

"Cause you guys are jerks!" Heartofstone15 said cheerfully.

Randomperson said in a singsong voice," Dib's in denial, Dib's in denial!"

"I am not!"

The fan turned to Zim. "Why don't you create an interdimensional travel device, gather up all of you and Gir's fangirls and take over your dimension?"

"Stop helping the evil space monster concur the planet!" Dib shouted.

"That seems like a good plan," Zim nodded. "I could use the spooky scope thing from the filthy Earth holiday called Halloween. *shudders at memory*"

Randomperson gave Tak doughnuts and soda. "YAY! I'M LIKED! I feel special. Here's your ship! I stole it from Dib and fixed it for you!"

"Hey! Thank you! I was wondering what happened to it," Tak said.

The fan waved. "See you all soon! Bye bye now! P.s. UPDATE SOON!"

"THEY LOVE ME!" Heartofstone15 squealed from the shadows. "THEY REALY LOVE ME!"

"Your voice is stupid," Gaz growled.

Out of nowhere, Penonymous appeared in the circle of light. "Hi again. Wow, that was funny! Hehe, sorry about Dani, Dib. She just lurves you so much! Too bad she stole something of yours, though."

Dib shuddered at the memory.

"Tallest: Sorry about that torture. Here's a box of extra delicious donuts. Purple gets first choice, though. Don't feel bad, Red. Here's my Super Soaker, protected against water leaks so it won't burn you. Spray whoever you want."

Red looked at the water gun. "I wish my arms weren't tied so I could actually hold the gun. I would shoot that author human right now."

"HEY! I can hear you!" Heartofstone15 yelled.

The fan continued. "Dib: Here's some anti-Dani spray. It smells like roses, though so you'll have to risk smelling like a girl to keep her away. Hehe. It smells like fresh cookies to non-Tallest Irkens, though. I don't know why…*cough cough*"

"So worth it," Dib said. "Somebody spray this stuff on me! I'm a little tied up at the moment. And stop making me say lame jokes!"

"Sorry," the author said guiltily, spraying Dib.

Tak's and Zim's antennae quivered.

"It does smell like cookies," Zim said admitted. "It covers up the human stench as well."

"You know if you want zadr, all you have to do is ask," Heartofsone15 said. "It's not as if I have to kill Chuck Norris to make them kiss or something."

"Who's Chuck Norris?" Purple asked, munching on a doughnut.

"Really awesome human," the author said flippantly.

Penonymous continued despite the interruption. "Zim: You can rule fangirls very easily. Hypnotism isn't even really necessary. Or you can rule them with Gir's cuteness."

"Will you people stop helping the alien who is trying to eradicate all human life?"

"Shut up, Dib," Mayo God said. "People think it'll be funny to see fangirls take over a planet. I don't blame them."

"Tak: Since you're taller than Zim, shouldn't you technically be a higher rank than him? Even the Tallest have to recognize that!"

"Well, yeah," Tak shrugged." But I don't see why the Tallest should recognize that. Why should they care about the disagreements among their soldiers? They would benefit if either Zim or I won."

"Okay! Now for the next letter!" Heartofstone15 announced. "CityGirl11013 has written in! Oh! This sounds like fun."

All characters except Gaz cowered when the author of doom began to cackle evilly.

A TV screen appeared in front of Dib, the Tallest, and Gaz. Speakers formed around Tak and feathers around Zim. Dib's eye twitched as zagr played on his TV. The Tallest looked in horror at the rapr on the TV in front of them and Gaz struggled to get loose of her bonds so that she could destroy all Barbies everywhere.

Tak meanwhile, was trying to self destruct.

"She's been living in her uptown world!" sang the speakers in a squeaky voice.

"Release…mmmph hehehehe! Mehehehe! Ahh! The feathers! Tickling. Hahaha! Antennae! Bwahehehehe!" Zim squirmed in his chair.

Ten minutes later, Mayo God and Heartofstone15 were rolling on the floor with laughter.

"As soon as I get out of this chair, you two are going to suffer horribly," Gaz snarled. "Horrible. Suffering."

"Zim, if I ever see you doing that stuff with Gaz, you'll be on an autopsy table within seconds," Dib said calmly with enough menace to drown a moose.

The Tallest were trying to move far away from each other. The author stopped laughing and read the next audience request.

"This comes from ZebraNom," the writer said. "We'll need a change of set here!"

Suddenly everyone appeared at The Bridge of Death over The Gorge of Eternal Peril from _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_.A hooded figure was shoving aside the old man from scene 24.

"Stop!" the figure said to Zim.

"The mighty Zim is not moving," Zim said.

"Who approaches the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions eleven," the figure announced. "And the other side he'll see."

"Shouldn't it be three questions?" Mayo God asked, scratching her head.

"Too bad! It's eleven!" said the hooded figure. "Ahem. Anyway, Zim! WHAT is your name?"

"Zim," Zim said. "You just said it."

"WHAT is your quest?"

"To rule all humans!"

"WHAT do you compare thee to a summer's day?"

Zim raised his non-eyebrow. "You speak craziness."

"Just answer the question."

"Fine. A day on Ursus Minor."

"WHAT is your favorite pairing: zagr, zadr, or zatr?"

"I hate them all! Though I could use zagr to torture the Dib-meat."

"WHAT is the square root of 3,689,064,256?"

"8 times the square root of 57641629."

"Really? Cool. WHAT does it mean to be?"

Zim looked at the hooded figure blankly. "Huh?"

"WHAT skirt doesn't make my butt look big?"

"The article of clothing has nothing to do with how large your posterior is."

The hooded figure slapped the alien with a fish hat. "WHAT is on your face?"

"There is something on the mighty face of Zim?" Zim asked. "Get it off!"

"WHAT?"

Everyone stared at the hooded figure. All at once, they agreed on something.

"Huh?"

"WHAT," the figure asked dramatically, "should the next question be?"

"Can I go now?" Zim turned to Heartofstone15.

"Finally! Do you love me? Pretty please!"

"No," Zim shook his head. "No, I don't. I hate you all."

"Aww," the figure said.

With that, the figure disappeared and they all returned to the dark room.

"I love Monty Python's movies," sighed Heartofstone15. "Anyway! Lumpco says to Red and Purple in the letter right here, 'No, I know I should respect you and all but… YOU ARE COMPLETE IDIOTS! I MEAN COME ON, I DARESAY THE WHOLE IRKEN EMPIRE (no offense to Zim or Tak) IS STUPID BECAUSE OF YOU! YOUR CORE FOR THE MASSIVE IS A SNACK TANK!... WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! AND RED, YOU PERSONALY HAVE MADE ME MAD 1. LASERS? PATHETIC! The smoke machines' where it's at! 2. YOU'RE JUST INSANE! Purple actually has sanity! NOW FOR YOUR PUNISHMENT (sorry Purple)! Force em' to kiss each other! MWAHAHAHA!'"

The two Tallest were forced together, lips smashing together.

"Let's pretend the time spent in here never happened," said Red.

"I agree," Purple answered.

"Wasn't that nice?" said Heartofstone15. "xXsasu-kedXx has sent a request."

A screen appeared with a drawing of Zim and Dib kissing passionately.

"AAAH!" screamed the two boys.

"WHO did this?" demanded Zim. "Tell me who drew this so I can destroy them permanently!"

"Not tellin'!" yelled the writer, giggling gleefully. "That's all we have for today, folks! We're going to have a fish hat party until you review some more!"

"What's with the fish hats?" Mayo God asked. "Can't we have a jell-o party or something? Why fish hats?"

"What's wrong with fish hats?" demanded the writer. "I like fish hats! I had a fish oven mitt once! It was like a fish was eating your arm! Having a fish wearable is like owning an insane, amphibian, zombie fish from hell!"

"Ummm…An insane what?"

"You're right," the writer continued to rant. "It wouldn't be a fish if it was amphibian. Anyway! Remember, dear readers. Wither you're a flamer or some stranger who likes to stalk people, the fans are always right and the haters are just jealous!"

Purple, velvet curtains closed on that note.


	5. Chapter 5

Somewhere in an abandoned building, a group of captives were planning an escape.

"Okay, so when both of them are distracted, we use Tak's ship to get away," Dib whispered.

"I see so many flaws in your plan it could choke an octopus," Mayo God said, smiling.

The six beings tied to chairs looked at her in surprise.

"How come we didn't notice you until now?" Tak asked.

Mayo God answered with shifty eyes, "I have my ways."

Sometime later….

"And thank you, Oscar Mayer, for making b-o-l-o-g-n-a!" sang the writer of doom. "It taught me to spell bologna. Anyway! We got mail!"

Mayo God choose a letter off the top of the pile. "Randomperson writes in. We've got a demand for a character!"

A tube dramatically came down from the ceiling and deposited a smoking Gir, face-first, on the floor.

"OMG! It's GIR!" shadows grabbed Gir and retreated back to their domain. "I want to hug him and squeeze him and pat him and pet him and call him Gir! And he will be mine 'cause he is just the cutest evil, robot minion EVER!"

"I am!" Gir realized.

"Hey! How come Zim's robot isn't tied up like the rest of us?" Purple demanded.

"Can you really see Gir escaping from here if the only thing people will want to do with him here is hug him and give him food?" the author asked rhetorically.

"Gir really has that many fans?" Zim was amazed.

"Well duh! How could you hate such a cute thing? I mean look at his little costume! He's adorable!" cooed Heartofstone15.

"You seem to be a fan of my robotic slave," Zim noted. "Will you help me take over Earth?"

"Will I get to make biscuits with Gir?"

"You wanna make BISCUITS?" Gir squealed in joy.

"Umm sure let's go with that," Zim said.

"Then the answer is yes! To both questions!" the fan said.

"People! We have comments to read and answer to here!" Mayo God waved the letter from randomperson around then continued to read from it. "'Zim: All fangirls of you and Gir will help you do anything, no questions asked; it's in the job description.'"

"Dang it! Broke another agreement with the higher beings!" Heartofstone15 swore. "Why do I keep doing that!"

"Ah HEM! Anyway…'Dib: You are to in denial! And no, we will not stop helping Zim! As previously stated, it's in the job description! Now go jump in an acid lake.'"

Dib turned begging eyes towards the shadows. "You're not really going to make me do that are you?"

Suddenly his bonds came undone, but before he could celebrate his escape, he jumped into an acid lake.

"AAAGH! The BURNING! Somebody make it stop!" screams of terror could be heard.

"Ha! Now you know how it feels to get filthy Earth water dumped on you almost every Earth day!" Zim mocked his enemy.

"Nobody's helping me!" Just as the words were out of his mouth, he was transferred back into his chair, tied up and burning. He whimpered.

"'Tak: Don't worry, I will never make you kiss against your will.' Here's some snacks."

Tak happily ate her snacks. "I like this human a lot."

"'Now for the Tallest!: *evil cackle* You wanna know who Chuck Norris is? *they nod* HERE! *Shoves into a ring with him* Have fun!'"

"This is not my definition of having fun!" Red shouted as he was plunged into a world of pain.

"'Gaz: Go watch the rainbow monkey show, while wearing pink. :) Heartofstone15: Yes, we really do. Update soon!'"

Gaz's eyebrow rose. "Rainbow monkey show? Never heard of it. Hey what the!"

Without warning, Gaz's black outfit changed into a fluffy, cotton candy pink dress. Everybody's eyes twitched and Gir ran up and hugged her around the middle.

"Dawh! You look so cute!" the robot cooed.

"Pink and Gaz is not a good combination," shuddered Dib.

"What has been seen cannot be unseen," agreed Mayo God.

"I look like a fairy!" growled Gaz. "Get this thing over with already!"

A TV popped in front of her and cheerful music played out of it. "Rainbow monkeys! Rainbow monkeys! Oh so very round and super chunky!"

Minutes later, Gaz was twitching in rage and Gir was running around, singing.

"Rainbow monkeys! Rainbow monkeys! We love you! TACO!" he (it) shouted, off key.

"No," Zim was muttering, horrified. "There are even more of the accursed monkeys."

"Hey, Zim," Gaz was creepily calm. "I'll help you take over the world if I get to be the one to torture the creators of that show."

"Deal," Zim said quickly.

"Oh this is just great," Dib sighed, annoyed. "Earth is doomed for sure."

"It gets worse," Mayo God warned, scanning the next letter. "At least for you. Invader Zan writes in. He thinks this story is an 'epic win'."

"Yay!" cheered the insane writer from the shadows.

" Zan says, 'Red, smoke machines are better. Tak, ya need to let what Zim did to you go, nuthin good ever comes from holding a grudge (LIKE THE MOVIES!). Zim, Dib, one word: ZADR (because it makes sense!)! KISS KISS KISS KISS! Oh, and heartofstone15, might I say that the band Aqua is an excellent torture device, i.e.: Barbie Girl, Best Friend, ect.' Then Zan puts a cute little cat face at the end."

"ZADR does NOT make sense!" shouted Dib and Zim at the same time.

"I would never feel the horrible itchy 'love' toward that _human_!" spat Zim.

"I hate Zim! Why would anyone even have the slightest thought that I would want to _kiss_ him!" Dib looked at Zim with disgust and horror.

This did nothing to dampen the writer's joy. "Score! ZADR fan! Finally!"

With that, the two enemies were forced to make lip contact. Both tried to hold in their digestive juices once it was over.

"And because I'm such a nice person," Heartofstone15 lied through her teeth, "I'll tell you why I think people like zadr so much! One is irony. I mean come on! Who doesn't like that? Two is because love is said to be a type of obsession and you two are obsessive toward stopping each other. Three is that we fangirls are insane and we like that sort of thing."

"That doesn't make me like it anymore," grumbled Dib.

"HA! Even stupid HUMANS think smoke machines are better!" Purple said smugly.

Red would have crossed his arms if he wasn't tied to a chair at the moment. "Humans are crazy! You were listening to what that even crazier one in the shadows was saying! Total defects, the lot of them, and proud of it, too!"

"I have every right to hold a grudge!" Tak shouted. "He ruined my life! My chance to assist the Empire ruined because of a snack! What does a grudge have to do with a movie anyway?"

"I think there was one called 'The Grudge'," Mayo God pondered. "I don't know what happens in it, though, but I hear it's pretty good."

"Hey, guys! ClockwerkOrange wants Chuck Norris to make a cameo appearance," Heartofstone15 chuckled. "Isn't that the silliest thing you ever heard? I can't simply have Chuck Norris come here! No one can make Chuck Norris do anything. He has to want to make a cameo! Only then will such a thing every be accomplished. I wouldn't be able to fear for my life if I even thought of trying to make Chuck Norris do something. I would be dead long before the thought came to me!"

Zim's mouth was slathered in duct tape before he could say anything that would cost him his life and popularity.

"Sorry, Zim, but I can't risk letting you say anything about Chuck Norris due to your narcissistic nature," Heartofstone15 explained. "I don't want to explain the presence of dead bodies in the dumpster outback to the police."

"Hey, wait a second," Mayo God pointed to the Tallest. "When did you two get back?"

"After that human killed us, he left and our PAKs reanimated us," Red explained.

"I guess that makes some sense," Mayo God shrugged. "Chuck must've gone easy on you or something."

"Anyway! We've got more letters!" announced Heartofstone15.

"Will this horror never end?" Dib groaned.

"Hey, Mayo God! Your original soul wrote in!" the writer said, excitedly.

"Really? Cool," she answered. "What does she say?"

The Invader Zim characters exchanged confused looks.

"Does this make any sense to you?" Tak asked.

"No," Dib admitted.

"Wow, she sure is weird," Heartofstone15 chuckled. "'Make Gaz dress up as Maria from West Side Story and sing 'I Feel Pretty'. Give Dib a crap load of balloons!' That doesn't make any sense. Oh hey! Tallest peoples! Mayo God's original gives you a box of cookies and says 'Aw…everybody has been so mean to you.'"

"I like this human," Purple munched happily on the snacks.

"'But you're still stupid.'"

"Meh," Red shrugged. "Still gave us snacks."

"Dibbeh! Balloons!"

Balloons of all shapes and sizes were immediately tied to every available surface on Dib and his chair.

"Okay," Dib tried to knock off a balloon attached to his nose.

"OOOoooooOOOO!" Gir tried to sit on a balloon but landed on Dib's monstrous head which still amazes us on its size.

"It's not that big!"

Damn it. Keep setting this to read aloud. Anyway, Gaz was teleported to a stage and was removed of her chair. A tazer came out and zapped her when she tried to escape.

"Sing! And dance! Here's the lyric," ordered the writer.

Once Gaz was done reading the lines, her outfit became Maria's. Look it up if you want to know what that looks like. I'm too lazy to describe it but am not lazy enough to type this message telling you to search for it on Google or Bing or something. Yeah, I'm done now.

With Gir copying next to her, Gaz grudgingly sang and did a little jig. "I feel pretty. I feel pretty. So pretty and witty and….gay!"

"And let's turn back to the main scene," Mayo God gestured. "I wrote something else. 'And make everyone listen to Amy Can Flyy (DANCE PARTY!) Oh! And to YOU Heartofstone15…'"

"I got mail!" cheered the insane writer.

"'QUIT STEALING MY SOCKS!'"

"NEVER! MUHAHAHA!" she cackled.

Speakers rose from the mist and began to blast out music. "One, two, three, four. I came to the land of the dinosaur and I parked my time machine behind the biggest tree that I could see."

After the dance party, Heartofstone15 laughed. "I love that song! The lyrics are weird but it's still a cool song. 'Dinosaurs go Rawr' by Amy Can Flyy, I do not own thee."

"Human music is very strange," Zim noted, having the duct tape ripped off his mouth once again. "Catchy, but very strange."

"Next up, Izzy wants Red and Purple to listen to Hannah Montana," Mayo God said.

"Great Irk, Izzy's evil!" Heartofstone15 shuddered. "I'm setting up a containment bubble around the Tallest so we can't hear their screams."

The two Irken leaders looked at the other questioningly as the bubble went up. Then the music came on.

"What are you doing to them?" Tak gapped, horrified. "They look like their brain meats are simultaneously imploding and exploding!"

"That's why there is a containment bubble," the writer explained. "Anyway, Izzy says she hates us all except for you Tak. Yes! We get donuts! Sugar!"

Several boxes of donuts later.

"...*whomp!*"

"Finally! I hate it when she's hyper!" Mayo God threw her hands up.

"Aww," Gir whimpered. "I liked it when we flew."

"Is it over yet?" Dib's had long since glazed over and a small lake of drool had formed beneath him.

The door slammed open causing the bright light of the outside to pore in and wake Heartofstone15 from her slumber.

"Imma cumbersome squirrel!" she shouted, and then hissed in displeasure. "The light! It burns!"

"I AM NAV!" Invader NAV ran into the pool of light shouting. "Those Zim fans are RABID! MAKE ZIM FACE THEM!"

Joining the writer in a chorus of evil laughter, Zim was pushed out, chair and all, to the mob of fangirls.

"IT'S ZIM!" they screamed.

At that moment, Nav spotted Dib's balloon covered body. "Dib!"

The fan untied the poor boy, hugged him, and kissed him on the cheek. "Your head is normal! Um, but don't try to escape. The Zim fans…HORRIBLE! HERE!"

Nav shoved a cookie into his hands. Dib smiled and bit into it, making a cute nom sound.

The fan turned and glared at the Red Tallest, whom started to flop-sweat. "YOU EVIL JERK! YOU SENT ZIM TO EARTH, YOU THOUGHT OF EXILING HIM!"

The enraged fan threw a water balloon at him and cackled. "BURN!"

"WHY MUST THIS BE?" screamed Red, writhing in pain.

Then Nav turned to Gaz and said in a sing-song voice, "Your gameslave avatar looks like Zim!"

Gaz growled, glaring, "Stupid zagr."

"Hi Cleekly!" the fan waved at Purple.

Purple's antenna cocked in confusion. "Who?"

This was ignored by the fan that turned to Tak. "Where's Mimi?"

Meanwhile at some rave, Gir and Mimi were rocking out.

"I don't know," admitted Tak.

Zim came in, untied and atop a throne carried by his fans.

"AH, RABID ZIM FAN!" Nav yelled, throwing an armadillo at them.

They hissed and dispersed, causing Zim to lose his balance and land face-first on the floor.

"Man, they're fast!" Nav remarked. "Anyway, you all rule! *sigh* even Red, you said one of my fave quotes."

Once again the fan kissed Dib. "Don't worry; I recorded the 'Mysterious Mysteries' episodes you're missing on your TV."

Dib was slightly creped out. "How did you get in my house?"

Nav shrugged. "Your dad doesn't lock the door…NOW IMMA GO DANCE WITH GIR! PEACE! Bye Dib!"

"IMMA COME WIFF YOU!" shouted the insane writer.

Mayo God looked at those left in her command. Tak, Gaz and the two Tallest were looking around, bored, as Dib and Zim made faces at each other.

"Okay, one more letter and then we can post this chapter!" she cheered, reading the last letter.

"'Chapter'?" Tak said and Dib made the crazy sign.

"Crazygirl1313 writes in. She has a question and a request. Hey, Zim! Call Gir."

"Heh?" the Irken turned to the human. "Sure. Whatever. GIR!"

The dog-suited minion appeared seemingly from nowhere with Heartofstone15 in tow. "Yes, Master?"

"The human wants something," Zim pointed at Mayo God.

"Gir, sing the doom song, please!" she smiled as Zim realized his error.

"YAY! Doom doom doom doom doom doom!" the writer joined in soon after the robot started.

"The horror! Make stop before it's too late!" Zim shrieked, pulling his antennae.

"He's just singing. Why are you freaking out?" Dib laughed at Zim.

Ignoring the repetitive song, Mayo God continued. "Crazygirl1313 wants to know if she can break in and run off with Gir and maybe Zim too. Well, Heartofstone15. Can she?"

The writer paused in her singing. "No! They're mine! Doom!"

"Anyway, that's all, folks! Sorry if we made Chuck Norris less awesome then he is," Mayo God shrugged apologetically. "It's so hard to make him as awesome as he is. You just can't."

"They're not stopping," Dib noticed, frowning some.

"Hey," Zim asked slyly. "Can you put me in one of those containment spheres?"

"Sure!" Mayo God chirped happily and Zim appeared in a large bubble.

"Why aren't they stopping?" Dib asked. "Shows over."


	6. Chapter 6

A brief explanation of why this took so long to post: I'm lazy. ON TO THE TALE OF DOOM!

The usual buzz of office chatter was ignored by the investigator as he leafed through the files until he reached the multi-dimensional missing persons list. He paused when he saw something that shouldn't have happened in a million years in any dimension. Both Tallest were missing. Not only that, but they were from a dimension where an individual named Johan Vasquez had based a popular cartoon on. The investigator grinned.

"Looks like I have a case," he said, getting up to do more research.

"Doom doom doom doom doom doomy doomy doom doom!" two voices sang to the annoyance of several creatures in the same building.

"We should have never given Zim that robot," groaned Tallest Red.

"Seven hours," Dib's voice was that of one who had given up all hope. "How can something sing for SEVEN HOURS STRAIGHT!"

"A robot and a magical author," answered Mayo God, lazily flipping through a magazine featuring a colorful balloon on the cover. "OOOoooOO! That one looks nice."

"How can you be so calm?" Dib asked. "They didn't even stop when Gaz threatened to tear their lungs out through their ears!"

"Meh. I've been in worse situations. There was this one time with a ferret, two paper clips, and a bottle of dish washing detergent. Heh heh! I'll never forget that day!"

Just then, for no apparent reason, a giant toad demon the size of a small house shattered the wall to their left and began to attack them in its slow, jerky manner. Heartofstone15 glanced at it then did a double-take.

"Who feed my pride?" she yelled at the humans and Irkens who were running and/or screaming. "I specifically keep it locked up in my trunk so that it wouldn't get like this!"

~~~flash back~~~

The song of doom could be heard echoing down the halls as Zim strolled in his giant ball. Distracted by nothing at all, he accidently bumped into a giant wood sea chest. He growled at the disturbance in his path but he didn't want to face the doom song by exiting his silence ball so he contented himself by muttering angrily.

After he left, a dog sized toad demon clumsily clambered out of the chest and hopped away.

~~~end flash back~~~

Everyone glared at Zim.

"What!" he crossed his arms and pouted in his one-way silence ball. "How was I supposed to know a giant, spooky chest would release a monster?"

"Since this is your fault, and you have the largest pride in this room, I'm going to have to create a physical body for your pride so that it can battle mine!" the author of doom waved her finger of truth in the air.

"Will it hurt?" Zim took a suspicious stance.

"I donno," shrugged the writer.

The sound dampening ball dissipated and colors circled Zim like sharks. Shapes shifted in the smoky colors from a pack of wolves running to an eagle soaring to a tap dancing banana. The colors plunged into the Irken's chest and came out the other side, slowly shifting and forming into a creature of unimaginable proportions.

"It's…it's _horrible_," Tak muttered in obvious horror.

"How can something be so BIG?" Dib gapped. "It defies the laws of gravity!"

"Aww," Gir's shoulders slumped. "I wanted to play with the magic banana."

Grinning, Mayo God looked up at the demon. "It's pride."

We interrupt this program for a special announcement!

Scene change to a small town where people where running around in the streets under a black sky on fire. One guy with flaming eyebrows paused in his screaming and looked around.

"You know what? It's not so bad!"

That was when a mutant beaver attacked him.

And now to the news! Today, hundreds of homes were lost in a devastating forest fire, an unnamed company raped the natural environment, and people are still total jerks to each other and have decided to create another pointless war. Have a splederific day!

"Well that was depressing," Heartofstone15 said.

Anyway, rising from the dust from the devastated building, Zim's pride in the shape of a giant, purple moose demon towered over them. None could see any part of it above its hoof.

"Why a moose?" Red looked at the creature critically. "And why the color purple? It's not even a dark, rich purple. More like a soft, pinkish purple."

"I like it!" said Purple.

"A contribution to Minimoose, the side-kick that never was," Heartofstone15 sniffled for affect.

The pride monster bent down and sniffed the giant toad, accidently inhaling it. It was lucky that there had been an explosion of super stick glue or else everything would have been inhaled along with the author's pride. Sneezing, the author's pride demon landed on the floor shriveled and covered in moose snot. Its owner plunged her hand into the goop and pulled it out.

"No more fan letters for you!" she scolded. "I'm putting a lock on that trunk."

When the author had left, Zim approached the group and looked around at the destruction he caused and the giant purple moose standing before them.

"Sorry about that," Zim said sheepishly. "And …umm…everything else."

Everyone gapped at him, silent as the grave, until Heartofstone15 appeared again.

"Hey, what I miss?" she looked around confused.

"Zim said sorry and he isn't being threatened by death/pain/torture," Mayo God mumbled.

Heartofstone15 gapped with the rest of them.

"What? I just said sorry," Zim shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. "I mean I did kill lots of Irkens, humans, and Vortians not to mention anything else that got in the way. And the whole Impending Doom thing was pretty bad."

Everyone kept gaping.

"All in favor of rejoining Zim and his pride, say I," Tak said, followed by a chorus of 'I's.

The giant moose was sucked back into the small Irken.

"I am ZIM! Grovel before me and the destruction my creature has created!" Zim began to cackle madly.

"Yup! Good ol' Zim," Red sighed.

"What's Impending Doom?" Dib asked slyly.

"Nothing!" all the Irkens quickly said.

"Operation Impending Doom is a failed plan for universal conquest!" chirped the writer. "It was ruined by Invader Zim so the Tallest started a new plan for universal conquest called Operation Impending Doom Two! And did you know that Irkens come from Irk and the Tallest command-ship is called the Massive, it's pretty big too. And that giant death robot Zim attacked you with is called a Mega Doomer Combat Stealth Mech! And based on these observations, I'll bet that previous Irken command-ships were called Giant and Big and Enormous and Colossus and and umm Large! And eh…Huge! Yeah that's it. And the food court planet is called Foodcourtia! Umm...Yeah I'm done now."

All the Irkens were giving her death glares. Dib, however, was taking note of anything interesting.

"Do you know any of the Irkens' main weaknesses?" he asked, taping a pencil against his lip.

"Well sure!" she grinned. "Wow! You people are nice. No one ever let's me ramble about Invader Zim! Now let's see…their ships get destroyed when GAHH!"

Zim tackled the author and tied her to a spare chair, gagging her so she could say nothing else. The teenaged human that was here current form shifted to Irken so she was able to spit the gag out.

"You're a shape shifter?" Tak pointed out.

"Duh! I can be whatever I want to be in some realms!" Heartofstone15 grinned proudly. "Check this out."

Her form shifted to a giant, eye-sore orange, deadly version of a hamster then shrunk down to the size of an ant. When she escaped her bonds, the writer became a human once more and realized something very important.

"Wait! We haven't read the fan letters yet!" she smacked herself on the head. "Over a thousand words already and we haven't opened a single letter. Let me get them."

Opening the unnecessary door to the now nonexistent building revealed a line of excited and slightly irritated fans.

"Okay, you first," Heartofstone15 gestured into the devastated non-building.

MoonToy walked over to Dib and Zim and kissed them both, causing Dib's cheeks to tinge red and Zim to scream in pain. "Okay then Diblet! I want you to kisses Zimmy for at least hmmm? Ten minutes and you have to or I will eat your…COOKIES! I mean it! Oh and please times 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000! I will not stop whining till you do. Here I go!"

The fan started to whine loudly and very annoyingly.

"No! I don't even have any cookies!" Dib's eye twitched. "And what's with the pet names, anyway?"

"What about the cookies that fangirl gave you the other day?" Mayo God pointed to a large pile of cookies Gir was eating.

"Oh yeah, that. I still won't kiss Zim though!"

"Oh yes you will," Heartofstone15 snapped her fingers and Zim's and Dib's heads were tied together, forcing their lips to touch, along with their arms and legs so that they couldn't escape. Neither moved a cell.

After ten minutes they were released and they darted away from the other as fast as they could. The evil author of doom pulled out a letter and began to read.

"Invader Kit writes in. Says Zim is awesome and sends him donuts, has Dib face Zim's fans, thinks Tak is cool and gives her a bag-o-chips, and has Gaz and Tallest Red kiss."

Zim and Tak munched happily on their snacks and watched Dib get thrown to the Zim fans.

"Down with the Dib smell!"

"No! Zimmy lurvs the Dibbers!"

"Bah! ZADR sucks! Destroy Dib!"

"Help me!" screamed Dib.

Meanwhile, Gaz was glaring at Red with all the fury in hell. "I am not going to kiss that loser."

"I'm not a loser!" Red squeaked, too afraid of the purple-haired human to do much else.

"I'll give you pizza if you do," the author lady offered.

Gaz's eyebrow was raised. "Bloaty's?"

Heartofstone15 nodded.

"Deal."

Irken and human were forced together, lips meeting in the middle. Red suffered burns in his mouth and Gaz got a whole box of pizza to herself.

"Next up!" announced Mayo God. "Randomperson!"

Randomperson strolled in calmly. "Yes we fangirls tend to have some issues."

A shattering noise was heard and everyone looked in confusion toward the place the sound came from.

"That was the sound of the fourth wall," Randomperson answered their unspoken question, "shattering into oblivion. Hey, Hearty, when ya gonna tell 'em?"

It turns out, no Irkens like secrets kept from them.

"Secret? Tell me! Tell me!"

"What are you keeping from us, human?"

"I order you to tell us this thing you haven't told us yet!"

"Yeah!"

"Well," Heartofstone15 pondered, "I do know a few things you guys don't know. A lot of those things have nothing to do with you but a couple of them are about you. There's one about Zim's mission."

The Tallest looked at each other and gulped.

"Another is about Dib."

Dib was freed from the fangirls' wraith and slumped down in a chair, not caring that his name was mentioned.

"And one more is about this fanfic. I'm guessing the question is about the fanfic so…Hey people! This entire experience of yours is being recorded and rewritten by my original soul to be read by strangers on the internet! Isn't that great?"

"I'm being humiliated publicly?" Gaz's eye twitched. "You will die."

"Zim: I have a fangirl army for ya!" randomperson caught their attention by pointing to a large mob of girls. "Use it well."

"WE LOVE YOU ZIM!" the fangirls screamed before Heartofstone15 sent them to a storage dimension.

"Hey! Those were mine!" Zim growled.

"Too bad! I haven't come up with anything for them to do in this story!" the author shook her fist at him.

"But it's been, what? Almost a month?" Mayo God pointed out. "Maybe more by the time you actually get around to posting this thing?"

"Shut up!"

Again randomperson had to get their attention. "Dib:*sigh* I think there may have been a malfunction in your test-tube…"

Dib's eyebrow raised as the author pretended to look innocent. "What are you talking about?"

The fan squeezed Gir and gave him tacowaffles. "I luv u!"

"Yay!" Gir cheered, munching on the weird taco-waffle hybrid.

Randomperson shoved some snacks onto Tak. "Yay! My undeserving pitiful hyuman hide is liked! *fangirlish squeal*"

"Yes. Yes it is," Tak nodded to the human.

Suddenly, the fan grinned evilly towards the Tallest, causing them to gulp in fear. "Tak, Zim, Gir, Hearts, and Mayo, go to the relatively safe dimension. You can still watch from there, don't worry."

As soon as everyone left, Lard Nar appeared, tied to a chair.

"All right! Another…wait. You're not my crew! How'd I end up here?" he shouted, looking around. "The Tallest? Ha! Now I can kidnap the Tallest and then they'll have to stop Operation Impending Doom two! Just*ergh* have ta get these bonds loose! Dang, these things are tight."

"Commence saying 'wacky' over and over and over k?" Randomperson commanded before poofing into the relatively safe dimension.

Nny appeared with a spork and Lard Nar just looked at the Tallest, slightly confused.

"Why'd that person want us to say 'wacky'?" to this the Tallest just shrugged in response.

"What did you say?" Nny said, eye twitching.

Meanwhile in some other dimension, the crew watched the following events on a television in a large field of flowers. They gasped, 'ooh'ed, and screamed as one.

"Flowers!" screamed Gir in pure joy as he ran through the large field.

When all the events had finished, Randomperson said to the sky, "Penonymous, if you're readin' this, please update! Think of the puppies!"

"Are all you people insane?" Dib asked.

"Woohoo! Flowers!" shouted the writer before tripping and falling. "I'm OKAY!"

"That answers my question."

With that, they poofed back to the destroyed building in a cloud of sparkles. Heartofstone15 scowled at the blood on the floor, placing her hands on her hips.

"I just cleaned this place!"

"You didn't complain when you and Zim's pride destroyed the building," Mayo God pointed out.

"That was different!"

"How?"

Frustration was scrawled across her face. "Whatever! I'll go get a mop."

She returned and was just beginning to start when Invader Aqua12 appeared.

"HI EVERYONE! Zim: You are AWSOME! I SPARE YOU! …I had a question that you would HATE to answer…Yes it was something ZADR-ish," the fan gave Zim a Death hug.

"My organ!" he gasped.

Releasing him, Aqua12 turned to Dib. "…Is it true that your head is really that BIG?"

"NO!"

"Yes it is!" everyone else shouted.

"Gir: I HAVE SENT YOU TACOS AND A RUBBER PIGGEH! You may get them if you answer my question: Who do you like most out of ALL of your friends?"

"Hmm," Gir put his hand on his chin." Zim! 'Cause he's ma master an' I loves him!"

Insert collective 'aww'.

"And that's why you should be nicer to Gir!" Heartofstone15 pointed the finger of truth at the adorable robot.

Gir was handed a rubber pig and a bag of tacos. "Red/Purple:…"

"Oh, wait yeah!" the writer tried and failed to snap her fingers several times. "NNGGG! Whatever! Just get over here!"

Red and Purple appeared, injured and scared for life. They rocked back and forth, clutching their legs.

"The wall…the wall…" they muttered, turning to the others and screaming.

"I feel sorry about the whole 'Chuck Norris' thing," Invader Aqua12 said, looking at them as if they had wings on their faces. "Question: Is it true that Zim's mission is a fake? BE TRUTHFUL OR CHUCK COMES BACK!"

Heartofstone15 shoved Zim and Dib into another dimension. Turning, she gave the Tallest a thumbs up.

"Yes, it's true," Red replied. "DON'T HURT US!"

The author sighed and the Tallest were suddenly healed, tied up in chairs, and unaware of what they went through.

"Why does it feel like I'm missing memory?" Purple mused.

"No reason," Heartofstone15 said, pulling Zim and Dib back into the destroyed building.

"Hey, what gives!" Dib glared at the girl. "Why'd you push us into a dimension of flamingoes?"

"No reason."

The fan was staring at them. "Gaz: I think you've gone through enough torture…I mean…YOU HAD TO WEAR PINK!"

Invader Aqua12 poofed away and was replaced by Invader NAV.

"I HAVE RETURNED! Who missed me? More questions! And it'll be worse now cause I just read JTHM!" the fan cackled.

Collective groan.

"Dib: aw. I'm sorry I creeped you out. I didn't mean to. Do you forgive me?" NAV made puppy eyes.

"Yes," Dib said quietly. The puppy eyes were too strong for him.

She hugged and kissed him on the check, causing him to blush. "YOU ARE AMAZING IN EVERYWAY!"

She turned and focused her evil on Zim. "BE LOCKED IN A ROOM WITH JUSTIN BEIBER AND KEEF! I read JTHM!"

Zim was dragged by magical dwarves to a mysterious room that appeared from nowhere. Heartofstone15 laughed at his pain.

"I like laughing at pain," she chuckled. "So much fun."

"GIR: YOU ARE SO CUTE! Do you know what BLOODY GIR is? If not, you can look at this picture!"

Gir stared at the picture for a while. "I'M COVERED IN KETCHUP!"

"Gaz: OH NO, I do NOT like ZaGr! I just pointed it out! I don't like ANY pairing, actually. ESPECIALLY ZADR! Who thought of that? YOU SICK MIND!"

"THANK YOU!" Dib hugged NAV.

"Tak: I like your accent and it's cool that your eyes are purple! That's my favorite color!"

"Thank you," Tak said.

"KATCHUP! EHEHEHE!" I hope we all know who said that while running around.

"Red," Nav gave him a death glare and threw a laser weasel at his head. "LASER WEASLE! WHEEEE!"

"AAAAHH!" screamed the Tallest, a furry menace biting, clawing, and zapping him everywhere.

"Purple: Cleekly! Google it! You're my favorite Tallest!"

"Googleing…googleing…." Mayo God pulled out a laptop and searched the name. "Aha! Here we go! Ummm….sorry still no idea what so ever. The only thing close is another fanfic where Nav said cleekly to Purple."

"That word is starting to frustrate me now," said Heartofstone15. "What is cleekly!"

"I would like everyone to listen to the song 'Animal I have become', I like that song! And it describes NNY PERFECTLY!"

Speakers poofed in and started to play a song.

I can't escape this hell  
So many times I've tried  
But I'm still caged inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal!  
This animal, this animal

I can't escape myself  
So many times I've lied  
But there's still rage inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become

Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal

Somebody help me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself  
Somebody wake me from this nightmare  
I can't escape this hell

This animal, this animal  
This animal, this animal  
This animal, this animal  
This animal

So what if you can see the darkest side of me  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become

Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal!  
This animal I have become

"Well that's all I got. UNTIL NEXT TIME!" the fan hugged and kissed Dib again. "BYE BYE! *sigh* I gotta go skool shopping. Darn it…"

Heartofstone15 and Mayo God gasped. "We gotta hit the stores before they run out of all the good stuff!"

With that, all the humans were gone. The characters looked at each other then cheered.

"Yes! They're gone! Let's get out of here!" Tak cheered.

Before they could, however, a ferocious tapir attacked them, dropping a note to the ground.

"'Thought about escaping?'" Dib read, "'Ha! This tapir is trained to attack you guys until we get back. Have fun answering the questions!'"

"Stupid humans," Zim grumbled.

"It's a pig!" Gir ran up and hugged the tapir.

Invader Misty barged in without warning. "Heh. I am an INSANE Dib fan and HE. IS. MINE! MIIINE!"

She hissed then blinked, realizing the one directed toward the hissing was absent. "Oh yea I remember now! Purple, YOU ROCK! Red: SMOKE. MACHINES. And lastly, *kisses Dib* I LOVE YOU DIBBERS!"

She shoved a big box of cookies in his hands before leaving. Dib smiled.

"Glad to know I have fans as well," he thought out loud. "I could use them against Zim's if he ever tries to use them."

Zim pretended not to have heard. The tapir pushed a letter into his claws. Nervously, Zim opened it, glancing at the growling mammal.

"A pitiful future slave called Miloflygon has written a filthy letter," Zim cleared his throat (or whatever Irkens call it). "Why haven't I reviewed this yet? Whatever…I see I've found another Monty Python fan. And because she's my second fave (Dib of course is my top fave), give Tak the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioth! And in all honesty, I really don't care who or what she blows up with it. And I have just one question. For Zim- Would you possibly consider joining the B.R.A.I.N. if it meant you could take over the world in less than a month? (Just remember, it's only a question. The B.R.A.I.N.'s dead anyway.) And…that's all I have…for now. Bye all.'"

A beautiful box appeared under Tak's chair. "Thanks, human. I'll use this well."

"Yes, I would consider joining a pitiful human group if it meant I could take over that spinning ball of filth!" Zim shouted. "Just as long as I get to do some destroying. Destruction is nice!"

"Yay!" Gir said, gripping Dib's head.

The tapir walked up to the slightly annoyed Dib and pushed a letter toward him. He opened it and began to read.

"Lumpco writes: 'Most epic fic EVER! If the Tallest call humans crazy one more time, give Red a bucket of water in the face. JUST RED! Oh and lock Zim in a room with Gir for an hour and if he's alive when he gets out, give him a donut. Heh.'"

"Glad the evil humans aren't here to hear that," Red sighed in relief.

"Wonder what they're doing anyway?" wondered Purple out loud.

***meanwhile***

"NNNGH!" the human form of Heartofstone15 gripped her laptop in frustration. "If my English teacher gives me another assignment, my head is going to explode!"

Her computer dinged cheerfully. "You've got mail from English teach!"

KABOOM! Heartofstone15's headless body toppled before the particles of time and space formed her a new one.

"Stupid English," she growled, beginning to type.

***back lash***

"Who cares? They're out of our hair," Gaz grumbled.

"I wanna dance with the crazy lady!" Gir squealed happily.

Without any prior warning, a special time rip opened up in the middle of the room and a haggard-looking Heartofstone15 came out in a preppy school girl uniform. She took one look around and fell on her knees, sobbing in joy.

"I'm free! Free, I say. FREE!" she held up her arms to the sky. "Hallelujah!"

Then she stood up and shook vigorously, returning to a casual jeans and t-shirt look.

"They tried to make me LEARN!" she shook her fist at Tak. "Evil people! I'll never learn! You can't make me!"

"You were only gone for less than an hour!" Dib said. "You act as if it's been weeks."

"It has. On to the reviews of joy! Who's next?"

The tapir cam up and gave the author a video tape and a letter. She plugged the tape into a convenient television cassette player. A shaky image of Invader Misty.

"Heh. I am an INSANE Dib fan and HE. IS. MINE! MIIINE!"

The screen went staticy and changed to an image of Dib reading a letter.

"Lumpco writes: 'Most epic fic EVER! If the Tallest call humans crazy one more time, give Red a bucket of water in the face. JUST RED! Oh and lock Zim in a room with Gir for an hour and if he's alive when he gets out, give him a donut. Heh.'"

The video ended and the author smiled evilly at the nervous characters. Instantly, Gir and Zim disappeared. Calmly, Heartofstone15 picked up the next letter and skimmed it over.

"By the way, nice Holy Hand Grenade of Antioth, Tak," she noted before reading. "Ahem. XxX-Curly-Wurly-XxX writes in. Wants to bring in three, count them, THREE minor characters. Yes! I love minor characters. You can create personalities for them and stuff!"

Keef, Table-headed Service Drone Bob, and Iggins appeared, tied to chairs. Keef and Iggins were blindfolded.

"Where am I?" shrieked Iggins. "This isn't the Ultimate Gamers' Convention!"

"Hey, why are they blindfolded and not the other humans?" Red demanded.

"Simple. Only Dib and Gaz know about Irkens," the author said simply. "The Children of the Bright and Shining Saucer don't count 'cause they don't know what species Zim is. Besides, you really don't want Keef to know about you."

"Dib's here?" Keef said excitedly. "How's it goin', buddy? We can get Zim and have a sleepover in footy pajamas!"

Dib was grimacing in horror and was about to answer when the author interrupted him.

"Dib's not here and neither is Zim. We're having an anonymous Tied to a Chair Club meeting and you three have just been made honorary members!"

Bob growled at the Tallest. "I demand to know what's going on here! Club meeting, my PAK! What are you and what have you done to me?"

"My official title is called Author," smiled the author. "I am human and I have stolen you from your original dimension and brought you to my humble plot o' land in this dimension. Be happy you are a minor character. Be happy!

"Which brings me to the next part of the request from the lovely reviewer who asked to bring you three here."

Iggins leaned over to Keef. "I like clubs with code words. Very cool."

"Gaz: Murder Iggins please."

"Never mind," gulped Iggins.

Gaz's grin could chill hell. "Gladly."

Gaz and a screaming Iggins were sent down a spiraling vortex to a battle dimension.

"Now Gaz can murder Iggins without getting any more blood on the newly cleaned floors," Heartofstone15 looked proud of herself.

Bob looked around. "We're in a destroyed, old warehouse and you're worried about making a mess on the floor? Wait. Did you say 'more blood'?" The Irken shivered. "I don't want to know."

"No, you do not but too bad for you!" the writer said cheerfully. "We haven't even finished this review yet! 'Tallest Red and Purple: Aww. People are so mean to you two. You are both WAY to Tall and great for that kind of treatment.'"

XxX-Curly-Wurly-XxX appeared and hugged them before disappearing. Bob was slightly freaked out.

"What just happened?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary," Heartofstone15 shrugged off.

"'Nothing out of the ordinary'? A human just came out of nowhere, hugged the Tallest, then disappeared!"

"Well, the not hurting the Tallest was strange for around here, but everything else is completely normal. Dang it. How long have…eh…Zip *wink wink* and Gir been gone?"

"Who's Zip?"Purple asked, not getting the whole winking thing. "I thought Zim went off with Gir."

"Zim? Where is my buddy?" Keef began to ramble off on all the fun things they would do together.

"Gah! Purple! This is all your fault!" Heartofstone15 whined. "That's it."

Purple transformed till he looked like Zim in his human disguise. The other characters were hidden behind one-way glass and Keef was untied and un-blind-folded.

"Zim! Buddy!"

"Let me guess," Bob never turned from shock," this is what you consider normal."

"Exactamundo! Just you wait. It gets better!"

"Get me out of here!" screamed Purple, running from the creepy stalker known as Keef.

Gaz took this moment to come in. "Does anybody know how to hide a body?"

"Huh? Oh here," Heartofstone15 never took her eyes from the mayhem. "Iggins will wake up from the worst dream in his life and will fear chairs for the rest of his being."

"How long have you guys been watching Keef chase Zim?" Gaz asked, becoming interested in the torture.

"That's not Zim," Dib muttered. "Wow. This is like watching a really good TV show."

"Again. How long?"

"I dunno. A couple hours maybe? Who cares? This is cool," Heartofstone15's eyes formed swirly symbols and her mouth drooped open, allowing for some drool to slither out. "I will obey the shinny screen people. They are my friends. I love them."

Gaz rolled her eyes at the author. Suddenly she got an idea.

"You will give Gaz ultimate video games," the purple-headed girl whispered in the other's ear.

"Huh!" Heartofstone15 broke from her trance, shaking her head. "Dang it! Got trapped in space-out mode again! Gotta stop doing that."

Gaz pouted. "Well, it was worth a shot."

Suddenly, Keef and Purple were back to their original, tied up state.

"Zim? Where'd you go? I wanted to play with you!" called out Keef.

"Okay let's get Zip and Gir to see if Zip's not dead yet," Heartofstone15 sighed.

Zim suddenly appeared in the middle of the room, tired looking, with Gir death-hugging his head.

"Congratulations, Zip! You win a donut!" Heartofstone15 stuffed a donut into Zim's mouth.

"'Zip'? I AM ZImmrghf!" the egotistical alien found his mouth smothered by a hand and a human whispering in his antennae. His eyes went wide and he glanced at Keef, nodding. "Ahem, yes. I AM ZIP!"

"Anyway, Purple, Red, what are your favorite colors?" the author asked.

"Purple, duh," answered Purple.

"I like black," Red stated. "It goes well with my eyes."

"Okay then, Zip! Why was there bacon in the soap?"

"Gir." And that was all the explanation anyone needed.

"Okay! Dib! You must dance!" commanded the author dramatically, stuffing Keef's ears with wax. "Dance a happy dance with Gir!"

Cheerful music started to play and Gir grabbed the boy's hands and danced like a monkey. Table headed service drone Bob decided that he was going to go insane if he remained with these people any longer. Too bad for him.

"'Heartofstone15, you amaze me with your mad writing skillz,'" read the author before squealing with glee. "THEY STILL LOVE ME! Happy, so very happy."

"Hey, Hearts!" Mayo God called from the useless door. "Some fan is threatening to rearrange your DNA until you're an Irken and then drop you in an endless swimming pool if you don't update."

"Stay away from my genetics!" screamed the writer. "Look, look. I'm updating! I'm updating! You're reading this so I'm updating! Don't hurt me!"

Midnayuki jumped into the dimension. "THIS IS SO AWSOME!"

"I know!" Heartofstone15 grinned. "Dimensional hopping is the best!"

"Dib: They're not stopping because the song lasts approx. six months of continuous singing."

Dib's eyes went wide then he realized something. "Hey! They've stopped singing!"

"Oh yeah," Gir said. "Doom doom doom doom doom doomy doomy doom doom! Doom!"

Everyone except the author and Gir glared at Dib. In fact, Gaz was about to plunge Dib into a world of pain, but the author actually noticed it and put Gir in a sound proof box.

"Zim: Keep being awesome," said the fan, throwing waffles into the room as a peace offering. "Here's some WAFFLES!"

Zim munched on the waffles, glad he wasn't going to be injured or forced to do something.

"Red: I think the lasers were awesome, but that's just not getting you out of this. You. Purple. Karaoke. Now."

"Oh great googly moogly!" groaned the author. "Not that! Anything but that!"

"What's 'karaoke'?" Asked the dumbfounded, red-eyed Tallest.

"Singing for people who can't! Horrible! Just horrible!" shuddered the writer. "Take this and get it over with!"

She shoved two microphones into the Tallests claws. Somehow, they found themselves untied and on a stage. A screen appeared with instructions which the two Tallest read. They nodded then music began to play.

"So tell me what you want, what you really really want," Purple repeated into the microphone.

"I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want," Red replied.

"So tell me what you want what you really really want."

"I wanna… I wanna… I really really really wanna

"If you wanna be my…wait …WHAT!" the two said at once.

"Who picked this song?" demanded Red.

"Guilty!" some RAPR fan said in the background.

"Can I kill him?" asked Red.

"Though shalt not kill the fans!" said Heartofstone15.

"Just a little bit? I promise I won't make it hurt too much!"

"No!"

The Tallest pouted. They returned to being tied up.

Midnayuki continued. "Gaz: I shall not incur your wrath on this day. Take it out on your brother."

"Hey!"

"Gir: The doom song needs a dance."

Don't ask me how, but the sound proof box Gir was in was only one way sound proof. The robot grinned at the fan, giving a thumbs up, and started to jig.

"Tak: Lick the Tallest's feet.(I'm so weird!)"

"Yes, so you are," nodded the writer. "Tak! Get licking!"

Warning: Do not lick feet at home. They taste bad. Tak is still trying to brush the taste off her tongue.

"OH MY GODIVA!" gapped the author of doom. "Over five thousand words so far! I really didn't expect this thing to be so popular."

"How are you counting the words we're saying?" Dib asked.

"Word count! Duh!"

"Yeah…but how?"

RoboticMasterMind knocked down the useless door. "Hehe, I'll like to join the carnage! Torture and Pain is so much fun. Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ah it' good to be so evil…"

"Isn't it?" Heart asked rhetorically. "I thought it was just me."

"Gaz: I want you to wear a pink tutu singing 'I'm a Barbie Girl', don't forget the disco ball."

Gaz appeared on a stage in a pink tutu, disco ball floating above her head. She was trying to hold the hell fire of her rage in.

"People are going to die when I get out of here," she muttered and began to sing. "'I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!'"

The author nodded her head in approval. "You reviewers sure like being evil."

Dib was holding a cross and wearing garlic in hopes that it would protect him from whatever the reviewer had in store for him.

"No complaints! RoboticMasterMind shows no mercy!" the fan shouted. "Red: Smoke Machines Rocks."

RoboticMasterMind pulled out a laser and shot Red.

"AGH!"

"Dib: Your head is so gargantuan, a satellite orbiting your planet can see it!"

"Stop making fun of my head!"

"Tak: You're my role model, sorry I don't give out sweets because I'm evil to the core, but I'll give you a chance to do whatever you want with Zim!"

Tak began to laugh maniacally and both her and Zim were zapped into another dimension.

"I demand Lard Nar to be violently captured by rabid dysfunctional SIR units!"

The author snapped her fingers, looking at them in surprise when it worked. "That's a first."

A large group of SIR units with all manner of things that could be used to hurt something appeared in front of the human. They began to laugh and run and generally cause mayhem.

"Wait!" shouted Heartofstone15. "SIR units! If you capture this guy and bring him back here, I'll give you tacos."

She held up a picture of Lard Nar. The SIRs looked at it and ran off screaming. The author lay back in a chair.

"Now, we wait!"

Not long later, the SIR units came back, carrying an injured, mentally scared Lard Nar, decimating the doorframe which was the only thing left of the building.

"Good work, minions! Now! Take your tacos and be gone!" A large pile of tacos appeared and the SIRs disappeared along with it.

Lard Nar rocked back and forth, clutching his legs to his chest. "The wall…the horrible wall!"

"I want Lard Nar to be placed in a room with the pathetic almighty tallest, armed," grinned RoboticMasterMind.

A cloud of glitter poofed around the Vortian and he blinked, got up, dusted the glitter off, and looked around.

"Why does it feel like I should remember this place and why does it feel like I have blank spots in my memory?" he rubbed his head.

"No reason," Heartofstone15 whistled innocently.

RoboticMasterMind shoved a laser gun into Lard Nar's hands and threw him and the Tallest into a room, all the while laughing evilly.

"Oh and before I leave you all to your endless suffering, I want Dib to be mauled by lions for having such a huge head!"

Lions leapt out of thin air and attacked Dib. "GAAAHH! MY HEAD"S NOT BIG!"

The fan enjoyed the characters' pain and then left. With that, Tak, Zim, Red, Purple, and Lard Nar returned and the lions went to wherever inter-dimensional hopping lions go after mauling someone with a large head. Zim, Dib, and both Tallest lay twitching while Tak and Lard Nar were evilly happy in their chairs.

"Is that what you consider normal?" asked Bob.

"Hey, forgot you were still here!" the writer poked the annoyed Irken. "And yes. Yes it is.

"Anyway!" the human unfurled a letter from ClockwerkOrange. "Ahem, 'Can I please please please please please say how I try to break them out of the building? I'll have, like, airstrikes and soldiers swooping in. We may have to collaborate on this. Tell me whether I can!' Well, CWO, on one hand, we have a good potential for hilarsity which will get me more readers, but on the other hand, doing such things requires work. Sure, why not! Private message me or something."

A fan stepped through the rubble that was once a building. "Hey! I'd like to join into the torture if you don't mind…Zim: YOU SUCK! BURN! PLUS BE NICER TO GIR!"

Invader emma squirted him with a squirt gun. "Ahh!"

"Aw, don't worry, Dib, your head's not big. Here's a cookie." The fan handed him a cookie and some cookie dough ice-cream which he happily nommed.

"Red: Aw, don't worry, Red, not EVERYONE hates you! P.S. I think lasers rock! But smoke machines are cool too!"

"Well that's good to know," Red said, grateful that at least sometimes he wouldn't be injured in horrifying ways.

"Purple: YOU ROCK! Yeah I love everyone but Zim so…" Invader emma threw meat at Zim like crazy and dunked his head into a fish tank. "GREAT IRK, LOOK AT HIS HEAD! AHHHHHH!"

The swollen, burning mass which was a head throbbed and Zim flopped on the floor, breathing heavily.

"Ow," was all the Irken managed.

"Look who has the big head now!" Dib laughed.

"Uh oh," said Heartofstone15, reading a letter, as the fan left.

Everyone, except Gir because he was still singing and dancing, looked at her in horror. That was not a good thing for her to say.

"'HI!11!1 hehe I'M A ZADR FAN so HANDCUFF Zim and Dib together. MAKE Gir AND Mimi dance to Mr. WONDERFUL!1'" at this point INVaDERdOOm popped in, handed the Tallest nachos and hugged them,"' Aww so many people dun like u *evil face* I DON'T LIKE U EITHER!'" this is where the fan once again popped into that reality and threw meat on them,'" Ok BYE!12!1! AND author peoplez U ROCK!'"

INVaDERdOOm rode away on a robot bee as the people absorbed in what just happened.

"NOOO!" Dib yelled as Zim attempted to protest.

They were grumpily handcuffed together. The author lady made a score dance and Mimi appeared out of nowhere.

"Hey, hey Gir! Dance with Mimi!" she tapped on the glass of the robot's container.

A silent cheer from Gir later and Mimi was in the cell dancing with the other Robot to Mr. Wonderful.

"Next!" dramatically announced Heartofstone15, "8thstateofmatter!"

She unfurled a letter, grinning sadistically. "'Ask them what happens when you pull an Irken's antennae. Also ask what happens if you stroke, bend, cut or twist it.' Well, Irkens, what happens?"

"NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL!" they all shouted at once.

"Then I guess you won't mind if I do THIS!" The author grabbed Zim's antennae and pulled it, resulting in a scream; stroked it, resulting in a shuddering purr; bent it, resulting in paralyzing pain for Zim; cut it, resulting in more pain before it grew back; and finally twisted it, resulting in more pain for the Irken. The others looked on in pity and afterwards, Zim dragged himself and Dib as far away from the human female as possible.

Heartofstone15 ignored them and read the rest of the letter. "'Then give Tak, Zim, the Tallest, Gir, and Mimi infinite cookies. Then ask Zim if he prefers zatr or zagr, and he can't say neither and he can't say zagr to annoy Dib.' So, Zim, do you like zatr or zagr better?"

"I can't say neither?" Zim asked just to be sure.

"No."

"Well, if you take away the fact that zagr will PAIN the Dib so, hmm…tough question…" Zim , tried to, held out his hands to decide. "Let's see, they will both as likely to hurt me, but on one hand, Gaz doesn't hate me, more than anyone else at least, and on the other, Tak doesn't burn me. Stupid question!"

"You could always spin the wheel of decision," offered the author.

"Eh?"

She pointed to a large, wooden wheel, painted parts divided into 16ths. Half of them had Gaz's name and the other half had Tak's.

"Fine," he grumbled as he span the wheel as hard as he could. It broke.

"Come up with an answer. I'm not fixing that."

"But you can do anything just by willing to be done," Dib pointed out.

"Whatever. Zim, pick Gaz."

"Why should I?" he glared at the bossy human.

"Cause you can't come up with an answer and I like zagr."

Zim growled in frustration. "No! I pick zatr!"

The human grinned slyly, "Why?"

"Cause your legs are stupid!"

Heart crossed her arms. "That's a stupid reason. Anyway, 8thstateofmatter says 'Then ask Tak whether she prefers zatr or datr and she can't say neither.' So tell us Tak, Zim or Dib?"

"Zim so I could hurt him," Tak said simply, much to the author's horror.

"Abusive relationship alert! Somebody call the nearest hotline number!" she yelled, running in circles with her hands in the air.

Dib shook his head. "What you said makes no sense whatsoever. They're not even dating!"

She stopped and thought. "Oh yeah. Well, 'Then give Zim and Tak infinite treats for their trouble.'"

She handed the people stated previously in the review bottomless cookie jars and gave Tak and Zim bottomless treat jars, all filled to the brim.

"'Finally, get a swimming pool. Fill it with extra purified water so the Irkens don't burn, and have a pool party! Now ttfn.' Okay! Pool, *ding* check. Irken and human friendly liquid, *ding* check. PARTY!"

All appeared in various swimwear, even the blindfolded and deaf Keef.

Credits while they're in the pool. Credits while they're in the pool, yeah!

"What an AMAZING party!" the author lady grinned. "You do a nice cannon ball when you're handcuffed together, Dib and Zim."

"I still thought Marco Polo was unfair," grumbled Dib.

"Pff, whiner," Gaz said.

Invader NAV appeared out of nowhere in the middle of the non-room. "HELLO! Sorry I didn't mention this earlier, but MAYO GOD, can you bring your friend SHEQUANA back? She was epically funny! STILL LOVE YA DIB! *hugs and kisses on cheek* and if it makes you feel any better, you're Jhonen's (long live the king) favorite character in Invader ZIM! BYE! *kicks Red*"

"I really don't know who Jhonen is but he must be pretty important for you to mention him," Dib said.

Heartofstone15 was not there to tell anyone who that was.

***Meanwhile***

The human popped into the room of Mayo God. "Somebody likes Shequana!"

***back in the destruction zone***

A scream of pure joy ripped through multiple dimensions, causing everyone to look around for the source.

It came, grinning madly and dragging a ghetto girl with her.

Nothing happened for a while. Suddenly, Mayo God burst into tears.

"I can't think of anything for Shequana!"

Heartofstone15 face-palmed. "You've been complaining that nobody likes you're character and yet you can't even think of something for her to do?"

"Well it's not like she does anything besides kill people!" she defended. "I'm not going to be eternally prepared."

The author sighed. "Whatever. Just post it on your fanfiction account when you get an idea. I want to update this before the one month mark."

"But it's like …tomorrow when the one month of inactivity for this story is."

"SO? I'm doing stuff!"

"…Yeah."

Heartofstone15 pouted. "Hmmph. Well, I think I'm almost done anyway. Just gotta…"

"I dare Zim to grow as tall as the tallest! I DARE DIB TO DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH! ! ! ! *gives zim a HUGE thing of nachos that taste better than anything any of you will ever have in your life times* Zim ,DO YOU LIKE ME? If you say yes, I LOVE YOU! ! ! ! I WOULD NEVER EVER HURT YOU NO MATTER WHAT! I WILL ALWAYS HURT DIB! ! ! *runs in, hugs Zim and runs out* OMG I JUST COMPLETED MY LIFES DREAM! ! ! I LOVE YOU FOREVER ZIM! ! ! I WILL ALWAYS PROTECT YOU FROM HARM! ! ! I WOULD CALL CHUCK NORRIS A WIMP FOR YOU! ! ! ! ! ! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT IS NOT FUNNY! ! ! ! I HATE ZADR AND DO WHAT EVER IS IN MY POWER TO STOP IT! ! ! ! YOU SHUOLD NOT EVER BE PAIRED UP WITH THE HORRIBLE BIG HEAD DIB! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I LOVE YOU! ! I LOVE YOU! ! ! ! I LOVE YOU! ! ! I LOVE YOU! ! ! ! ! I LOVE YOU! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I LOVE SO MUCH I WOULD DESTROY EVERYTHING FOR YOU! ! ! ! ! I WOULD LEAD YOUR MIGHTY AMAZING TROOP OF FANGIRLS INTO WAR AND I WOULD MAKE YOU VICTORIOUS! ! ! ! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! ! ! I FREAKING LOVE YOU SO MUCH I WOULD DO ANYTHING (except shut up about how awesome you are) FOR YOU AND YOUR AMAZING BRAIN! ! ! ! ! ! ! I LOVE YOU! ! ! ! ! ! I LOVE YOU! ! ! ! ! ! ! I LOVE YOU! ! ! ! ! ! ! I FREAKING LOVE YOU! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !" Invader Elze burst in and started yelling.

Silence.

Heartofstone15 attempted to speak but only got around to holding up the finger of obvious points, blinking, and gapping a little bit. Several minutes of this passed before she could say anything.

"What?" she stated in the absurdity of it all.

Some more silence before Bob, whom everyone had forgotten was there, spoke. "Are you absolutely sure this is normal?"

"Ummm…I'd have to say…no…not really…well at least not at this intensity," Heartofstone15 answered.

Invader Elze just stood with an ecstatically eager grin on her face, waiting for the response of Zim.

Zim shot up to the size of his Tallest, causing him to stumble and face-plant in the nachos he had just been given. Then he shrank back to his normal size.

Dib tried to hide from the author's all seeing powers but there is a reason it's called all seeing. He had to suffer through various ways of death including, but not limited to, being dragged over carpet tacks for a few miles then dipped in rubbing alcohol, trapped in a room with a moose, and trapped in Elze's Keef pit. All of which was not only painful but very …ummm…what's that word for causing mental pain? I forgot. Whatever. Anyway, all the things Dib went through were horrible ways of dieing and left him quiet traumatized. I remembered what the word was! Traumatizing! That's it! Go me, go me, I'm gonna party like it's ma birthday!

"Ahem!" went the entire crew that was in the non-building.

Sorry. I'm done now.

"You better be,"the author eyed empty space. "Now Zim, say it."

"Wha?" His face rose out of the cheesy goodness.

"Say yes."

"Why?"

"'Cause you'll get the undying loyalty of a fan. Again, I geuss."

"Okay then. Zim says yes, pitiful female!"

Invader Elze squeeled in joy before exploding from it.

"Okay then! Wow, this is really really REALLY long!" Heartofstone15 said. "It's like over…"

"WILL YOU STOP SAYING HOW LONG THE STORY IS?" shouted a thousand fans.

"Alright! Shesh," grumbled the author. "Okay then, let's see. We've got Keef (who's tied to a chair, blindfolded, and has wax in his ears so he can't hear), table-headed service drone Bob (who's tied to a chair), Gaz (who's not tied to a chair), Zim (not tied), Dib (not tied), Lard Nar (ti..wait, no, I think he's still beating up the Tallest), Red (being beaten up by Lard Nar), Purple (being beaten up by Lard Nar), Gir (trapped in a soundproof box with Mimi), Mimi (trapped in a soundproof box with Gir), and Tak (tied to a chair). Besides that, it's just me, Mayo God, and…Hey! Where'd Shequana go?"

Mayo God waved her hand dismissively. "Just where all my other characters go."

***Inside Mayo God's head***

_Um… why does heaven look so much like the school's hallway? _**'Cause you're in hell bitch! HAHAHA! **

I stood and threw my hands into the air "NOO! How could this happen to me?"

***somewhere else***

"Oh," Heart had a horrified frown on her face. "I hope she survives."

"Don't worry bout it. She comes from there."

"Well that's a relief."

Faint screaming could be heard.

"Did you hear something?" asked Heart.

"That's just the sound of NO ONE CARING!" Mayo God stared at the other human with angry severity.

"Umm sure," Heart took a freaked out step back. "Review people. If you recognize anything in here, I don't own it. Seriously, I don't."

"JELLO! J j j j j jello!" sang Mayo God.

"You are SO weird."


	7. Chapter 7

In the middle of a pile of rubble sat a group of humans, robots, and Irkens, some tied to chairs and others not. They were all staring at a television showing the weather.

"Temperatures are up there and it's hot in Topica," droned the weather man.

"It's hooooOOOooot in TOpiCA!" repeated the group.

Heartofstone15 came into the scene and unplugged the tv resulting in groans of complaint.

"Hey! I was watchin' that!" protested Mayo God.

"Well that's too bad because we're moving!" the author grinned cheerily.

"Do we haft ta?" whined Gir. "I wanted to watch the Scary Monkey Show."

"Look at this place!" she said, gesturing to the rubble around them. "It's a disaster! What if it rains? Huh? Then what?"

"Fine," grumbled Mayo God. "Did you find a place?"

"Yup! It's got fields of flowers and is a very ideal vacation home!" Heart bragged. "I got it off of Ebay on discount!"

***a few hours later****

They group stared from a thick forest to the top of an icy plateau then glared at Heartofstone15.

"This doesn't look anything like the picture," she glared at the screen of her laptop.

"Give me that," Dib snatched the computer away. "This was taken in the dead of summer!"

"That explains it then," Heart said, arms akimbo. "Ah well. At least it's out of the way. No more announcer guys with cameras."

***some time latter***

CWO sighed as he walked through the forest, and then stopped in the wake of a solid wall of ice. "No… don't tell me it's up th-…"  
Of _course_ the warehouse would be on top of an icy plateau.  
"Noes!" CWO shouted, dropping to his knees. "I didn't remember it being _there_!"  
"_Sir? Have you placed the beacon yet?_" Captain Zie asked through CWO's earpiece.  
"Ugh, I'm trying…" CWO said, staring back up the crazy-plateau. "Can't you just fly where I am right now, then fly a little bit up and to the… uh… east?"  
"_Yeah, okay._"  
"Awesome," CWO said, glad that he wouldn't have to climb up the crazy-plateau.  
"_ETA ten minutes, then we'll return to base and get ready for the mission…_"

***later inside the new warehouse***

"I don't like it here," grumbled Mayo God. "It's cold."

"Suck it up," said Heart. "Hey. Do you hear something?"

"If it isn't the sound of my buns screaming as they freeze than no."

***outside***

"Alright, guys," CWO said, pacing around the inside of the attack helicopter, "I want us to parachute down while our choppers provide aerial support."  
From inside the warehouse, Heartofstone15 glanced out the window, turned back to the complaining people, and then did a double take. Three helicopters were flying above the forest, heading towards them. She panicked.

"No! The reporters are coming!" she screamed and made SAM things.  
Suddenly, an alarm went off.  
"SAM sites! They have SAM sites!" Zie, the pilot, screamed, and the helicopter noticeably changed course. Zie, an Irken, was pretty adept at flying even a human helicopter. Everyone was flung to the floor, and there was a hissing sound as the missile went past the helicopter. "It's tracking us!"  
"Jump, guys, jump!" CWO screamed, and a few soldiers strapped on parachutes, and Zie was the first to leap out of the now-open side door.  
_!_ went the chopper.  
"Oh, noes!" CWO screamed, and then pulled his parachute. CWO and his homies hit the snow softly, and struggled out of their parachutes. He looked up to see the other two helicopters turning back and escaping.  
"Sir! We have to keep going!" Zie said. "They… they have my daughter!"  
CWO raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I see. Which one was that, again?"  
"Tak," Zie said flatly.  
"Oh, right," CWO said. "'K, let's goooo!"

So the group of CWO, Zie, and a few Irken soldiers tasked with the job of recovering the Tallest and a few epic Irkens continued through the forest on top of the icy plateau.  
CWO loaded his M4A1 assault rifle, and gestured for them to follow him.  
They heard some whispers in Russian emanating from the woods ahead, and they dove for cover behind a bush.  
"I'm scared, bro," one of the Irken soldiers said.  
"Cool story, bro," CWO replied.  
***Meanwhile in the warehouse***

Mayo God was staring through some binoculars at the group that landed in the snow. "False alarm! It's just that ClockwerkOrange guy. Hey! He brought an OC."

"Oh! Who is it?" Heartofstone15 pressed her face to the glass.

"Zie, I think."

"You mean Tak's mom?"

"I don't have parents!" Tak said.

"In other dimensions you do!" answered Heart and Mayo together.

"Someone gimme the intercom microphone," ordered Heart, putting on her general hat.  
"A'ight, homies, let's…" CWO trailed off when an air raid siren went off.  
"_This is Major Heartofstone15! All patrols be advised, some crazy-people are trying to bust out our entertainment! FIND THEMMMM_!" the intercom screeched, and then clicked off.  
"Okay, guys, let's move," CWO said, and started hurriedly running to the warehouse. They stopped at a door. "Check this one."  
"A'ight," Zie said, and then pulled a small shaped charge from her backpack. She stuck it to the door, and then they took their positions on the wall to the left and right of the door. Zie pressed a button on a remote, and the door fell into splinters. They rushed in, aiming down the sights of their weapons, and looked around to an empty room. "Damn."  
"Let's keep looking," CWO suggested.  
They ran down the room and reached a catwalk over an even bigger room. They looked down and saw many different people tied to chairs, with one person standing in front of them cackling madly and another just looking around bored.  
"There t..hey are," CWO whispered.  
One of the soldiers was leaning too far on the catwalk, and fell off. He was about to land on Heartofstone15, but she looked up, snapped her fingers, and he disappeared.  
"Omg," Zie said.  
"Ikr," CWO responded. "That noob."  
"Lol, ic what you did there," Zie commented  
"Lolwat?" CWO asked.  
"_INTRUDERRRRRRRRRRRRRS!_" Heartofstone15 yelled. She started snapping her fingers repeatedly, and all of the soldiers vanished one by one.  
"Oh, noes!" CWO screamed. "Dive, quick!"  
They dove back into the other room, and Heartofstone15's snapping didn't reach them there, for some reason.  
"_Krrttzzzz…. This is Billy-Bob Joe Hamster-skillet, broadcasting on alternating channels… is anyone there?_"  
CWO grabbed the transmitter on his belt. "Yes, Billy-Bob Joe Hamster-skillet. Captain Zie and I are within the hot zone right now. Can you arrange a pickup?"  
"_Negative, negative_," Billy-Bob Joe Hamster-skillet replied, "_but I can get a harrier airstrike, and then maybe pick you up after that._"  
"Say again, Billy-Bob Joe Hamster-skillet? We have class A contacts within the building. We can't afford to lose them."  
"_No, not on the building… just to clear a path…_"  
CWO paused for a moment in thought. "Do it."  
A few seconds later, multiple air raid klaxons flared up.

"Hey! Look! A muffin!" shouted the author.  
"Quick!" CWO shouted. "While Major Heartofstone15's distracted!"  
"Right!" Zie yelled, and sprinted to the catwalk. "For _justice_!"  
They ran across and dove through the other doorway, and ran up the stairs there to the roof.  
Several harrier jump-jets streaked across the horizon toward them, and dropped bombs on the forest, causing the trees to surrender to the cascade of flames engulfing them presently. After them, a small MH-6 helicopter flew toward them, and landed on the roof.  
"Billy-Bob Joe Hamster-skillet, I presume?" Zie asked, stepping into the helicopter.  
"You presume correctly," he replied, feverishly adjusting a few controls.  
CWO jumped into the helicopter after Zie, and strapped himself in. "This mission was a failure, but if we can get back to base, we can try to rethink this…"  
"And we're up," Billy-Bob Joe Hamster-skillet muttered as the helicopter emitted a formidable roar. He angled the control stick forward gently, but not without anger, and they began to move away from the warehouse.

Mayo God looked around outside with a telescope. "All clear!"

"What?" Heartofstone15 looked up from the muffin.

"*sigh* Nothing. I'm just glad that nobody can get up here now. It'll be nice and quiet and…"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! I WILL NOT DISAPOINT YOU ZIM!*throws Dib into pit of a million Keefs* SUCK IT DIB!I'll be back. *goes to dominate Earth* Zim: I will freaking do ANYTHING for you…ANYTHING! *gives more amazing nachos* I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU TO THE END OF THE UNIVERSE AND BEYOND! MY ADORATION FOR YOU HIGHLY EXCEEDS THAT OF ANY AND EVERY FANGIRL THAT EVER EXSISTED PUT TOGETHER!" Invader Elze came out of nowhere and shrieked.

"Holly son of a motherless duck!" yelled Heartofstone15, falling backward.

"AAAAGGG! Not the FOOTY PAJAMAS!" yelled Dib from somewhere.

"Good work soldier! Dismissed!" ordered Zim and Elze departed.

"That was…unexpected," noted Mayo God. "How come we can fight off an army of OCs but not an insane fangirl?"

Dib shrugged, somehow appearing out of nowhere. "I gave up understanding these things a long time ago. By the way, what is OC?"

"Another acronym. Means Other Character," stated Heart, opening the door for another fan.

"Who missed me?" asked Invader NAV, hugging and kissing Dib on the cheek. "I would love to help you stop Zim! Us paranormal investigators have to stick together. Oh, didn't I tell you, I'm part of the Swollen Eyeball. I'm Agent Pandora's Box! You are my favorite Dib! I hope you like me to. *hugs*"

"I do," Dib smiled. "You're really nice."

"Zim: I miss Minimoose, may he live on in our memory," NAV said remorsefully before purple hellish fire surrounds her and she floats in the air. "Now, BE NICE TO DIB! I also have demon powers!"

General Heartofstone15 held up her arms. "Whoo! I love the internet!"

"Take off the hat," Mayo God attempted to reason.

"NO! It's my hat! Mine!" Heart held it onto her head.

"Red!" the fan threw a brick at his head. "DOWN WITH THE BLOODY RED TALLEST! YOUR RACE WILL NEVER TAKE OVER EARTH, DIB AND I WILL MAKE SURE OF IT! Alien scum!"

"AGGG! The PAIN!" screamed Red. "Can't you guys help me?"

"I'm telling you!" Heart said, ignoring everyone else. "The movie ruined the whole saga! Just RUINED it! I get made fun of every time I say I like it."

"Yea, yea," agreed Mayo God. "I know what you mean."

"Oh come ON!"

"GIR: Do the taco dance!" cheered NAV.

"TACOS!" Gir began to run around, doing a funny dance.

"Heart: YOU RULE!"

"Why thank you!" Heart curtsied.

"Keef: MY GIR, you freak me out! You're a psycho stalker!"

Though many odd things raged around Keef, the psycho stalker, he didn't know. He still had a blindfold on and wax in his ears. The world was indistinguishable from night and day to the red haired boy.

"Bob: I like you for standing up to the Tallest. I salute your bravery!" NAV saluted.

"I'm starting to like this place," Bob said.

"Don't get too ahead of yourself," warned Heart. "Sooner or later, some fan will come around and beat you over the head with bricks."

NAV continued. "Lard Nar: Don't stop trying to defeat the Irken Empire! I have faith in you!"

"Your faith will not be let down!" the Vortian said proudly.

"I think I'll make an angsty fanfic about Lardy here dyeing," Heart wondered out loud.

Lard Nar made a sad face.

"Hey! I'm just kidding!" she defended. "Besides, I can't think of anything."

Lard Nar was not relieved by this.

"Dib: I came back to you!" NAV hugged and kissed him on the cheek. "In case you're wondering what I look like, my profile pic is me. Please look. You can search my pen name, since I didn't sign in. I want to know what you think of how I look."

She blushed furiously and Heart sighed, chuckling.

"Fangirls. Okay." A screen appeared floating in thin air. Heart made some typey motions and a profile appeared.

"I think it looks nice," Dib said, looking at it.

"Your picture looks like Tak!" Mayo God pointed at the drawing.

"The picture is of a human," Tak pointed out.

"No, your HUMAN disguise."

"Oh."

"That's just the purple hair and drawing style, Mayo," Heart said, folding her arms in thought. "The rest is obviously umm something. Besides, our opinions aren't the ones that count."

"My opinion ALWAYS…*Heart pointed to the fangirl that was smothering Dib with kisses.* Oh. I see what you mean," Mayo and Heart stared at the scene.

Finally, NAV pulled away and finished her review. "Purple: CRAP, I spelled your other name wrong. It's PLEAKLY, not Cleakly. MY BAD! I must be leaving now, I'm writing my first fanfic! BYE EVERYONE!"

She gave Dib a cookie before disappearing in an eruption of purple flames.

"OOOOooooh," said Heart. "PLEAKLY! Hey, isn't that the guy from the Lelo and Stitch dimensions?"

"The green, one-eyed one with the mosquitoes? I think so," replied Mayo.

"I have no idea what you're talking about and I don't like it," huffed Purple.

"It could be a fragment of his original soul," offered Heart.

"Naw! Too different for that," said Mayo.

"You're not listening to me!" Purple said, trying to get their attention.

"Oh wait! Now I remember! The guy who voices Pleakly also voices Tallest Purple!" Heart smacked her forehead in realization.

"Oh yeah!"

"This has taken a turn for the creepy and I don't like it," Red whispered to Purple.

"Well now that that has been cleared up," Heart put on some spectacles to read a letter. "Smartalic240 writes in. 'I want some DaLNr romance (Dib and Lard Nar Romance). Dib: Who would you choose to be mates with: Zim or Lard Nar? Zim: What would you do if Dib quit being your enemy and a real threat to the Irken Empire? Red: What do you think of RAPR? Red and Purple romance? Lard Nar: Kiss Dib! Tak: If you could who would you be with: Zim or Gaz? Warning Some Slash FemSlash.' Excellent questions, dear reviewer! Let's see the reactions from our prisoners."

All, besides Gir and Mimi, were varying degrees of anger, annoyance, and creeped-outedness.

"Who comes up with these pairings!" Dib said finally. "I don't even know that guy!"

"Meh. No one cares really, but it does make for some interesting fanfics," shrugged Heart. "Now answer the question."

"But I don't wanna do that sort of thing with either of them! How am I supposed to answer the question?"

"Easy, this particular fan stated that s/he wants some DaLNr so pick the Resisty leader."

"Fine! I'd pick the goat guy," grumbled Dib.

"What's a goat?" asked Bob.

"An Earth mammal that slightly resembles a Vortian," answered Mayo God. "Your turn, Zim!"

"Zim does not have to answer the STUPID question!" Zim shouted. "The Dib would never turn his filthy back on an enemy so great as ZIM!"

"Soooo…basically, you're saying that you would have a similar, if not identical, reaction as you did in the unmade episode 'Mopiness of Doom' where Dib gives up the paranormal and joins his father in a quest for 'real' science, Zim gets unmotivated, Gir goes to Dib and asks him to come back, and eventually Dib realizes that 'real' science is as boring as hell and comes back to the paranormal?" asked Heart.

Zim and Dib were sharing looks of bewilderment and confusion.

"Oh, I guess that hasn't happened yet then," Heart brushed off the matter. "Red! Answer your question!"

"It's stupid! The whole thing is stupid! WHAT GAVE YOU STINK-CREATURES THE IDEA THAT I WOULD DO SUCH THINGS TO A FELLOW RULER? Huh? Huh? Huh!" Red shouted, straining against the rope.

He saw Heart holding a scroll and he turned to glare at her. "If that has anything to do with your stupid romance pairings, no one here wants to hear it."

Heart made a sad face.

"And furthermore, it seems like you humans just randomly picked names and made a name for a love relationship thing," ranted Red. "It doesn't have to make any sense whatsoever; it just has to have mating scenes."

Two men in black coats came through the door and up to the Tallest. One held out a fancy badge.

"Mr. Red, you know too much," the other said and held out a pen shaped thing to the Irken's head. It flashed red and the Tallest looked slightly confused.

Red dozily turned toward Purple and said in a voice that made him sound like a stoner, "I got the condoms if you got the lube?"

"Oh yeeeah." Purple purred with a look of satisfaction.

"What the blazing hell muffins did you do, Mayo god?" Heartofstone15 gaped in horror.

"I'm just spicing up this thing a bit!" Mayo God rolled her eyes. "What you had was boring!"

"We have children here!"

"So?"

The two began to wrestle until Heart pinned down the other and pointed at the Tallest. "Romance, be gone!"

Both blinked as if waking from a dream.

"What happened?" asked Red.

"NOOOO!" the pinned down person as she poofed from that dimension for a soda before coming back. "Ahhh! Refreshing! Ahem. NOOOOOOOO!"

The men in black suits went over to Heart whom screamed and blocked her face with her arms.

"I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS A COMMUNIST!" she screamed.

Both of the men in black suits raised an eyebrow, but only one spoke. "Disrupting major dimensions is a very risky situation. If we find that you've crossed the line between fangirl and evil, we will find you and you will pay dearly."

They began to dissipate. Heart screamed after them. "NO! I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A DIFFERENCE! TELL ME THE DIFFERENCE!"

"Why'd you yell something about a communist?" Mayo God raised an eyebrow.

"Well I had to yell something."

"But communist? Couldn't you have yelled something like Nazi or illegal alien or something?"

Heart shuffled her feet guiltily. "It was the first thing I could think of."

Mayo God sighed. "Well, let's get this over with."

Lard Nar's chair floated over to Dib and forced the two to make lip contact. It was a lucky thing no saliva was exchanged. No one knows what would have happened.

Heart ignored the disgusted looks on the others faces. "Tak! You answer your question now!"

"I would prefer neither but I believe I'm going to have to pick one or the other, right?" Tak said.

"That's right," nodded Heart.

"Then the answer is Zim but only so I can hurt him."

"You still scare me with your reasons," shuddered Heart. "Next, we have some commands from Invader Robyn! Ze fan says, 'Well, a heathen is at my house so DIB shall get the rage with ZIM and any other boys! So…'"

Zim became shorter than an inch and was forced to watch zadr and listen to The Hamsterdance song, Dib was forced to watch both zagr and zadr while listening to Justin Bieber. Afterwards, he was thrown into a crowd of psycho Zim fans, his head was turned into a giant mango, and Mort the penguin came up and ate him alive.

"Tallest peoples, ya'll get a choice. Robyn says right here that you can either 'swim in acid water and watch me, Gaz and Tak (and robots) eat all your snacks and wrestle my anger monster (my anger is so huge, it needs a boa constrictor to control it.) or watch Zim/Tallest romance and have the HOUNDSHARKS bite you,'" said Heart, a giant, green boa constrictor demon, some hybrid houndsharks and regular ones, and Invader Robyn appearing behind her.

The two Tallest could do nothing but gape in horror. Heart just turned and squealed at the houndsharks.

"You're kinda cute!" she scratched one on the head.

"No petting the dangerous animals!" shunned Mayo.

"But they're so cute," Heart sniffled, the houndshark she was petting showing a gapping mouth of dagger-like teeth, drool dripping as it eyed a potential meal of the author's shoulder.

She turned and smiled at it, the shark/ hound hybrid returning to non-drooling form. "See? It won't hurt me!"

"Umm…right," nodded Mayo God, whom was slightly disturbed.

"So, yea…Pick or I'll pick for you!" Heartofstone15 said, smiling cheerfully.

The Tallest continued to gape in horror as the houndsharks slowly and dramatically rose behind Heart, licking their chops as they prepared to feast on the succulent flesh of dimensional-hopping mortals.

"Umm," Heart said, oblivious. "Hello? Answer! I just told you I would pick what you would do if you don't!"

Someone started playing that scary music from _Jaws._

"Fine, be that way," Heart grumpily walked over to the wheel of unpleasentries just as the houndsharks lunged. She turned back to see them passed out, teeth buried in the hardwood.

She smiled. "I think I'll call them names beginning with the letter P."

She ignored the looks of amazed astonishment and spun the wheel.

"We pick houndsharks!" Purple shouted before the wheel stopped spinning. "Anything but watching our snacks get eaten! What pairing was it again?"

"Zim and Tallest," Heart said, moving as a hungry houndshark tried to make a meal out of her.

"How are you doing that?" Mayo God gaped in pure astonishment.

"Doing what?" Heart once again missed dying by houndshark. "Is it being awesome? 'Cause I'm sorry; but I just can't reveal company secrets like that."

"No, no, not that," Mayo said. "Wait…there's a company for making awesome?"

"Yea! I found it when I was exploring the new house," Heart grinned. "Lots of rooms here. I haven't even seen all the hallways! I was mostly guessing on how to get to this room."

Mayo stared blankly at her for a while. "AWSOME!"

"Okay, Periwinkle, Petunia, and Potluck! Your dinner is here!" Heart pointed to the Tallest as Mayo set up a TV in front of their chairs.

Screams of pain issued forth as the Tallest were eaten and pictures flashed away on the screen.

"NOOOO! Nooo! NOOOO!" screamed Purple. "Not that! Ewww! Never! Get that filth away from me!"

"AAAAAHH! Whew," Red sighed as a houndshark ate his eyeballs. "I hope I never see THAT again!"

"TRAITOR!" Purple writhed in horror. "GIVE BACK HIS EYES SO HE CAN SUFFER WITH ME!"

"Geez! You don't have to yell," grumbled Heart, Red's eyes coming back with a pop.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" And a dome sealed their screams out.

"Well, that's done!" announced Heart. "Anything else?"

Mayo pulled out a sizable scroll. "Yea. See since you are lazy on top of being a high school student, you never update anything ever. You missed Halloween and it's almost Thanksgiving so we have to jam both of those special editions into the next chapter. By that time, it'll be Christmas season too so we might as well jam that into next chapter as well."

"Hmm. Dang. Lots of stuff to do next chapter," Heart admitted, "but we havn't even finished this chapter yet! Why are you telling me this?"

"We have to announce this in bold print so that people will send us their holiday wishes."

"Oh. Well, here goes nothing."

ATTENTION! NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE THE SPECIAL HOLIDAY CHAPTER! NIGHTMARE BITTERS, THE EVIL SANTA SUIT, AND A GIANT TALKING TURKEY WILL BE APPEARING ALONG WITH ANYONE ELSE YOU WANT! DON'T FORGET TO INCLUDE THEM IN YOUR REVIEW! BRING STUFFING, CANDY, AND EGGNOG!

"Is that good enough?" pouted Heart.

"No," Mayo returned to the list. "You also have to repeat it at the end so that readers don't miss it."+

"Okay, Mom!"

"Everyone else, here's Justin Beiber," Mayo held out a very scared pop culture icon. "Gir, please sing the Doom song until Justin has red sticky stuff coming out of the ears. Then you guys can eat whatever you want."

Gir gasped in joy. "DOOOM!"

And so began the song.

Sometime later, Mayo God and Heartofstone15 scanned the List of Unimaginable Proportions (LUP) while Justin Beiber was being dragged away by discount medics.

"Okay, who's next?" Mayo asked.

"The LUP is right in front of you!" Heart annoyidly scanned the paper. "Just read it."

"But you're right here!"

She sighed. "Looks like we're getting a fan called…"

"We need more ZAGR! I demand it!" Weaslytwinlover flounced over and shook a fist at the creator. "There's not nearly enough of that in this story."

"Well yeah," Heart backed up a bit. "Nobody asked! And we try to keep this true to the cartoon which (sadly) means no romance of any sort."

"What DOES 'flounced' mean anyway?" Mayo looked questionably at Heart whom shrugged.

"I thought it sounded cool."

The fan's attention was already pointed at another character. "Gaz: If you had to choose, and you can't say neither, would you pick Zim or Tallest Red?" Weasleytwinlover added. "I'm also a bit of a RAGR fan."

Gaz glanced at Zim, Red, and her brother. "I'm gonna have to go with Zim, if only to annoy Dib."

"I'd advise to not anger your sister so much," Mayo whispered to the brown eyed boy.

The fan jumped in front of a pair of sorely nommed on Tallest. "Tallest: Have you ever thought of combining smoke machines and lasers?"

Both sat up straight and looked at each other.

"You know," Purple admitted. "That might not be a bad idea."

"Yeah," Red agreed.

The fan turned to Zim. "Zim: You must tell us how you really feel about Gir. Really."

"Though he may be loyal," Zim answered, "Gir is annoying."

"Hey, Dib," the fan said. "Do you like Tak?"

"No! She's an alien! She tried to destroy my planet!" Dib shouted. "Of course I don't like her!"

"That sounds like a raciest comment to me," Mayo God glared at the boy. "Are you raciest, Dib? Huh? Huh? HUH? RACIEST McRACIESTPANTS!"

"What? No…I," Dib stuttered.

"Besides, Dib," Heart pushed the yelling girl out of her way. "Many viewers noticed you had a pretty big crush on Tak BEFORE you knew she was Irken. Some think you still do."

"WHAT? Why would I have a crush on someone who tried to fill my planet with snacks?" Dib shouted.

"'Cause you're RACIEST!" Mayo declared from the floor. "Oh wait, never mind. That doesn't work."

"I'm not raciest!"

"Yes you are!"

"I'm not!"

"Raciest bastard!"

"SHUT UP!" everyone yelled.

"Now," Heart tried to remain calm. "Please continue Weasleytwinlover."

"Mayo God," Mayo God said proudly. "Fighting racism every day."

"I'm not RACIEST!" Dib insisted.

"That's it!" Heart shouted. "You two are being sacrificed to the vampire-werewolf-ninja-pirate-samurai-alien-monkey-penguin-zombie-plant-spider-demon dogs of hell and outer space!"

Everyone stared at her for a second.

"Wait," Mayo God held up her hand. "Vampire-werewolf-ninja-pirate?"

"Vampire-werewolf-ninja-pirate-samurai-alien-monkey-penguin-zombie-plant-spider-demon dogs of hell and outer space, yes," nodded Heart.

"But…vampires hate werewolves and ninjas hate pirates!" Mayo tried to keep her brain from exploding. "And how are they from hell AND outer space? Nothing makes sense anymore!"

"You figure it out!" And Heart shoved Dib and Mayo into a portal.

Gaz shook her head in what could be mistaken as pity. "You'd think she would be used to insanity by now."

"Meh, whatever," Heart shrugged. "Hey, wanna watch them get beaten up?"

"Isn't that fan still talking?"

"We need Skoodge! Bring in Skoodge! " Weasleytwinlover yelled in defiance of all.

Skoodge suddenly appeared, running and yelling away from something. Having changed locations so quickly, he ran smack into the knob of a door before some rope tied him to a chair.

"Where am I?" Skoodge looked around dartingly. "Who are you people? What are the Tallest doing here? Why am I tied up?"

Heart threw up her hands. "What's with the same questions? You guys are always asking the same things and it gets annoying to have to answer you over and over again!"

There was a sharp tap on Heart's shoulder, causing her to spin. She glared at an old man, whom had reached up to tap her shoulder with his cane.

"What?" she demanded before gaining her senses. "Hey, when did you get here?"

He pointed his cane at her and the author fell to the ground, writhing in pain. Forms that looked like Heart but were each wearing different styles of clothing flew out of the many doors in the house, converging at the author. Soon grotesque demons were pulled toward her and they two merged. It stopped as suddenly as it began, leaving those tied to chairs gaping.

"What was that?" Skoodge sputtered in fear. "I've escaped the Hogulus and that drill instructor to come to this? What is this place?"

"Free realm," muttered Heartofstone15, pushing herself off the ground. "Reality is littered with them. I'm the Author and therefore ruler over this bit of realm. Reviewers asked t bring the Tallest here and you are tied up because I don't want you to escape and I have a reputation of tying up people. That was Rejoining."

She looked at the old man without scorn, instead acceptance. "You knew."

He nodded. "I was surprised you were successful in Splitting. But I can't have only part of a whole to guard over the Entryway, can I?"

"_This_ is the Entry?" Heart looked around in amazement.

"Woah! Slow down!" Purple shouted. "Explain everything!"

Heart turned and looked at the Irken leader for a while before answering. "I split up my personality to make it easier to work amongst people. In my own world, they are all contained in one body and I shift from one to another when needed. Here in the Internet realms, they take on separate forms entirely. The one watching over this realm was mostly Excitable and Random. That part of me knew very little the difference from right and wrong thus making the perfect Personality for this. An entry is a single point with no exact point where all points meet. Basically, you can go anywhere here. It does not exist in a specific Realm. Some Realms even show up in other Realms in the form of objects, books, or movies, which is how a lot of people know about you guys. Do you understand?"

"No. Not really."

"Oh well," shrugged Heart, turning back to the old man. "So I have to guard this Entryway, but from what? A lot of people come in here all the time and nothing much except this gameshow like thing I'm doing is going on."

"From evil doers, of course! Tons of masterminds want to control the interdimmensuional traffic that passes through these Entryways!" the man said dramatically.

One of the doors suddenly opened and two figures shadowed in robes approached from the smoke.

"We are taking over this Entryway, foolish Guard," one said in a weirdly deep voice.

"See?" pointed out the man.

"Enough talk!" shouted the other in the same voice. "Bring out the OC."

Strange, hellish, spacy creatures approached with a large cage, setting carefully down. One of them shivered and was pushed forward.

"Ar, do I 'af ta be da one ta do it?" he asked.

In reply, one of the hooded people kicked him in the rump.

The group watched as the strange creature opened the lock and before he could run away, claws reached out and dragged him in. Horrible screaming could be heard for a few seconds.

A figure stepped out, splattered in blood. Heart gasped and fell to her knees at the sight.

"No," she whispered, slowly getting up and approaching the green-eyed Irken. "My creation. It has bloomed. Va' Lox, what are you doing out of your Realm? You are still supposed to be forming in my mind."

Va' Lox drew out PAK legs threateningly, growling. "So you are the one that devised for all those HORRIBLE events to happen to me! They were RIGHT! How could you?"

"It was to form your personality!" Heart shouted, creating a sword. "You would be a regular old Elite Irken if I had not intervened!"

Va' Lox snarled and lashed out with precision. Heart paried just as quickly.

"This is my domain!" the author glared. "Show your true forms!"

She pointed the sword at the two hooded figures. One jumped away but the other got caught and his cloak was removed.

"Dib? So that's how you got Va' Lox!" Heart growled, storming up to the boy. "And these are the vampire-werewolf-ninja-pirate-samurai-alien-monkey-penguin-zombie-plant-spider-demon dogs of hell and outer space, aren't they! I should have never sent you two to a part of my mind!"

"No you shouldn't have," Mayo God withdrew her hood. "You JERK! You could have told me you had split your personality! And you still don't get the real person you based me off of to write my dialog! Everything would be a whole lot more funnier IF you could only let me write something."

"But you don't make any sense!" Heart tried to reason.

"I DON'T CARE!"

Zim looked over at the blood splattered Irken that was using Keef's head as an arm rest. "Aren't you going to kill the horrible meat lady?"

"Pssh! Na!" Va' Lox chuckled. "I only came here because I was promised candy if I fought her, but THIS is proving to be entertaining!"

"Stop it!" Mayo God yelled.

"Never!" retorted Heartofstone15.

"I mean it! Stop it!"

"No! You can't shoot if I'm hugging you!"

Mayo God stared ahead for a second blankly. "Fuck."

"Hey, Dib-worm," Zim asked. "How did you get sucked into this?"

"Well I was at home watching Mysterious Mysteries when…" began Dib.

"NO! You were using the deep scary voice of evil intentions," Zim yelled, making hand signals all the while. "One doesn't, unfortunately, become an awesome, powerful archenemy by just pure amazingness alone. The only thing you could ever show evil intentions toward is ME so it is very unlikely that you willingly took part in this scheme."

"Wow," Red whispered to Purple. "Am I going crazy or did Zim just say something LOGICAL?"

"Umm, excuse me, horrible enslaving creature human?" Purple asked. "Can me an' Red go back to the Massive now? We think we're insane."

Heartofstone15 looked down from her karaoke party with the Mad Hatter and Gir on the ceiling. "Well it took ya long enough!"

"So we can go? I think it's serious," Red's voice suddenly got lower. "We hink-tae Im-zae ade-mae ense-sae."

"What?" Heart yelled into a brick wall.

The two Tallest looked at this and suddenly came to a realization.

"Yup," Purple concluded. "We're insane."

"No doubt about it," agreed Red.

"Well I can't think of any way you can use this against me so I guess I'll tell you," Dib began again. "It all started when we got pushed through that hole in the fabric of space…"

"NO!" shouted Heart as everything began to get all wavy. "Not another one of those STUPID flashbacks! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…"

~~~~pretty wavy-ness~~~~

Mayo God and Dib were spit out of a portal, landing in a heap.

"Ow." Mayo stood up and looked around. The sky was an angry red while black spotted red birds squaked and dive-bombed dragons and unicorns.

"Woah," Dib slowly turned in place. "What IS this place?"

"I think we're in Heart's …"

"YARRR!" A strange combination of vampire, werewolf, ninja, pirate, samurai, alien, monkey, penguin, zombie, plant, spider, demon, and dog jumped out of some nearby alien-hell bushes. "We be 'ere ta torcha' ye, hawoooo!"

They sprayed demonic spider web on the two, binding them tight. They were lifted up to the ceiling of a cave next to tons of other bound things.

For no reason whatsoever, the sky suddenly turned a peaceful blue and Mayo God groaned in pain.

"Well, what do ya wanna do now, crew?" the leader of the creatures addressed his pack.

"Let's hunt for brains to make a loaf of banana-fish-brain bread!" one of the ones in the back shouted.

"YA! BRAINS!" they all shouted and disappeared like ninjas.

"Well this stinks," Dib noted.

"Cheer up, ya ole buga!" some guy on the ceiling said. "Some things in life are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse."

Suddenly, he began to sing. "When you're chewin' on life's gristle, don't grumble. Give a whistle and this'll help things turn out for the best. An' always look on the bright side of life."

"No," Mayo God started. "No. No. NO! AHHHHGG!"

With inhuman strength, she tore off the bonds of webbing and gripped Dib's.

"You are going to help me get revenge on Heartofstone15 or I'll leave you here," she growled. "And believe me, once they're done with this song, it'll be another then another then another on and on until your ears bleed and your mind is gone. Then you'll be just like everything in this mind. Insane and twisted."

~~~the end~~~

"And then she stole the vampire-werewolf-ninja-pirate-samurai-alien-monkey-penguin-zombie-plant-spider-demon dogs of hell and outer space's banana-fish-brain bread and forced them to do her bidding," Dib concluded. "Then we found her in a mosh pit."

Va' Lox waved. "Hi!"

"Hu, that's weird," Heart said. "Normally, the ladybug birds are singing "Boom Boom Pow" by the Black-Eyed Peas while they circle above waiting for unicorns to die."

"HA HA!" Mayo laughed evilly. "I'm free! Now, sister, prepare to die!"

The gun clicked and a bullet whizzed out, but Heart waved a hand and everything vanished. She looked around at the blank space, got bored, and brought everything back except the gun, bullet, old man, and the vampire-werewolf-ninja-pirate-samurai-alien-monkey-penguin-zombie-plant-spider-demon dogs of hell and outer space.

"Damn it!" Mayo God shouted.

"You know, I can always get the real Mayo God to write something for you," Heartofstone15 pointed out.

"Waffle flamingo purple hotdogs!" Mayo God blurted. "Wait, was that it?"

"Yup!" Heart smiled cheerfully.

"Okay, I'll admit it," Mayo said. "I'm insane. I'll at least make some sense when you write my lines. Hey, wait a minute…"

"Okay, that's enough interrupting our reviewer, weasleytwinlover!" interrupted the author. "Please continue, dear fan."

"Skoodge: If you had to pick between serving the Tallest and serving Zim, who would you serve?" weasleytwinlover finally got to say.

"Hmmm, Zim is insane, but he ignores me if I'm not bothering him," Skoodge mumbled, "but the Tallest hate me and every other short Irken and will take every opportunity to punish us for our height. I choose Zim."

"Yes! Zim is all mighty! Come my slave, we must escape!" Zim shouted.

"Hold it!" the author of doom said. "Skoodge is my slave as long as we're in this Entryway! And this means he has to obey the fans just like everyone else. He's not goin' anywhere."

"How could a loyal Irken soldier such as yourself choose ZIM over us?" Purple gasped.

"Well, the answer is obvious," Mayo God laughed and rolled her eyes. "Humans and Irkens seem to share one trait, at least. Height does not make one all-knowing."

"Yes it does!" shouted all the Irkens, except Skoodge. "Don't compare humans to the mighty Irken Empire!"

Heart and Mayo looked at each other. "Denial."

In weasleytwinlover's place, a letter from ClockwerkOrange appeared. "'Neat. You misspelled the name of the great and powerful Vasquez (Jhonen*) How…dare…you…IT'S NOT YOH-HAN!'"

Heartofstone15 trembled in fear. "I…I did what? No. I couldn't have. No never. No! WHAT HAVE I DONE! I will go back in time to fix this, but first."

She sat cross-legged on the floor. The air around her became distorted and one became many. Thousands of Heart's stood up and everyone except one left to guard the rest of the Entryway.

"There!" the only one left said before disappearing into a swirling vortex.

As soon as the portal closed, another opened and Heart stepped out. "That was easy."

"'I'll send you'se a PM. :D,'" concluded the letter.

"Thanks! That was fun!" Heart smiled crazily. "I really like the house."

"Wait," Gaz said. "Exactly WHAT was fun?"

"The house part in the beginning," the author looked at her blankly. "Why?"

"…"

A letter poofed in through a door, smaking Heart in the head. She cleared her voice and began reading.

"Passin through says,'Not bad, not bad. Gaz needs more time on one end though. Please make her wear her frilly, lacy pink with Hello Kitty where her skull necklace should be. And have her video games freeze just as she's about to get to the last level. AND …have GIR be singing the Doom Song right next to her when this happens. Fun and games!'"

Gaz growled as she became covered in the frilly pink horror. "Will…kill…people…."

"Too bad you don't have any video games around here, but you're still cursed," Mayo shrugged.

"Don't worry," the author reassured. "I'll make sure that in any of my future stories and chapters, if you ever are about to win the final level, Passin' through's wish will be fulfilled."

"Going…to…kill….very…soon…" Gaz growled, twitching.

"Fire in the hole!" Heart yelled, shoving Gaz into a pit of Keef's.

Mayo God turned to her sister as a fountain of blood shot up. "Where did you get a pit of Keef's?"

"Oh, you know," she shrugged. "I read some other question and answer fic where the author had a pit of Keef's. It's been so long, though, I forgot which author or which fic it was exactly. Oh well."

A fan tumbled in through one of the doors, dragging Nny behind her. Micah The Homicidal Maniac leapt up and started talking as Nny caught sight of the Tallest and Lard Nar.

"YAYZ! I WAS MENTIONED! Dib: I still love you…and I have found a small group of Dib fans…well, just me, Invader NAV, and…NNY! GET YOUR SS BACK OVER HERE! …and Nny!" Micah yelled at the homicidal killer creeping toward Lard Nar and the Tallest with an evil look in his eye before turning to Zim and the inexplicable crowd of fans that appeared behind the alien. "BE NICER TO DIB, OR YOU WILL ALL SUFFER THE WRATH OF MY PET SNAKE ZORRO, AND MAH EVIL CAT MIDNIGHT! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Heart gasped dramatically. "You have evil pets too! Muffin the gerbil of doom was gonna take over the world but we cleverly distracted him by getting him a lady friend!"

"I told you, he's my gerbil!" Mayo God tried to escape the death hug.

"Nobody cares!"

"Hey, how many more of these reviews do we have to do? It's probably been months since you updated this thing and I'd really like to go to bed."

"I have no clue."

"PIGGEHS FOR YU!" Micah shouted, causing innumerable amount of rubber pigs to rain on Gir.

With a cheer of pure joy, Gir swam through the piggys. "I missed you Piggehs! I missed you SOOOO much!"

"Purple: Here is a smoke machine, do with it what you wish," the fan placed a smoke machine in front of Purple.

The Tallest stretched out his foot to flip the switch and the room slowly began to fill with smoke.

Heart gasped. "This stuff is perfect for scaring people!"

She dropped on all fours and disappeared from view.

"That is pretty creepy," noted Dib, watching Mayo God climb up on Tallest Red to get to a chandelier on the ceiling. "Umm…What are you doing?"

"You'd follow me if you knew what was coming!" she gripped onto the fixture for dear life.

The lights suddently dimmed and flickered as a frigid breeze stirred the fog.

"Do you ever get the feeling that someone is watching you?" Tak whispered, suddently not even daring to make noise.

"Something just touched me!" Lard Nar froze in his seat.

The lights flickered again and the smoke cleared.

"My Tallest?" Zim called out, looking around. "My Tallest? Where have you gone?"

***somewhere***

It was dark and cold. Purple called out. "Hello? Red? Anybody?"

"Purple? Is that you?" came a reply.

"Red! Do you know where we are?"

A maniacle cackle echoed through the dark void.

***Back at the Entryway***

Mayo God dropped from the ceiling, landing in the pile of Pigs. "Well, Heartofstone15 is off destroying the Tallest's bravery most likely through mental torture rather than physical pain."

She sighed. "I guess it's up to me now. Carry on, Micah."

"Zim: You get to go up against Nny…you are armed with nothing but a towel…Nny gets a spork and salad tongs…call him 'wacky'," Micah explained.

"What did you say?" Nny glared at Micah.

"Zim will dominate this PUNY apponent!" Zim crowed. "He will be no match for mighty Irken tactics of warfare!"

Heart jumped out from behind the alien, appearing as a human with white fox ears and a matching tail. "Boo."

"AHHH!" the Irken whipped around. "No fair! You weren't in the room!"

"Pssh! That's what YOU think!" she scoffed. "Besides, I always thought Irken warfare tactics were just sending an Invader to ruin them from the inside then firing lasers at 'em while they're scrambling around to fix stuff."

"Well…yeah…but…it's a better tactic then you have!"

"Jumping out and destroying things when they least expect it?"

"….yes."

"Heartofstone15: Here's Nny!" Micah the Homicidal Maniac shoved Nny toward the fox-author before disappearing.

"Wow! You're Nny? You are like awesome and stuff!" Heart blabbered. "Can I hug you? Wait, no. You don't like touching. Okay, how about a Brain Freezy thing? Here ya go! Oooh! Fans are gonna love you!"

She shoved a Brain Freezy into his hands before turning the area around both Zim and Nny into a battle pit. Zim's PAK became ductaped shut and a towel fell on his head while a spork and salad tongs appeared by Nny's feet.

"Now you guys fight!" cheered Heart.

Horrible screaming came from the pit after awhile.

"Okay, Nny! You can stop draining Zim of his blood now!" Heart called down. "The winner is obvious. Congrajulations."

"I need to paint this on my wall," Nny informed Heart. "Do you know the way to my house?"

"This door right here," she gestured to empty space and a door rose from the ground."I expect you to come back when that's done now, okay? I expect lots of people will give you stuff and that wall of yours will receive many layers of blood if you do. Bye!"

Invaderd00m appeared as soon as Nny disappeared. "Sorry bout that. I mustof had tacos again but Zim and Dib DO NOT FEAR I (for once) am not here to make you confess your undying love for each other…"

Both mention characters yelled at the same time. "There is no love between us!"

Zim coughed up some more blood.

"…or tell you about yulp and QiP because I SAW IGGINS AND KEEF!" continued the reviewer, undaunting, showing a happy smily face. "Bring Iggins back to life and make them kiss while Bob the table service drone and Skoodge do the same thing. I *heart* ZADR, KAIR, AND SABR!*happy smily face* BAIIIIII!"

With a musical sparkle and a poof, invaderd00m was gone.

"Oh yeah," chuckled Mayo. "Forgot you guys were cowering in that corner."

Iggins fell from an open door on the wall, landing on a suddenly unblindfolded and unwaxed Keef, kissing him accidently.

"Eew! Gross! Get away from me!" Iggins pushed away.

Rope tripped him and he was tied to the ceiling like a cocoon.

"Your struggling will not help you, mortal!" Heart called from the floor. "Be prepared to face many HORRIBLE"

"ZIM! Buddy!" Keef interrupted.

"Silence!" Heart wacked his chair. "Nobody likes you!"

Skoodge and Bob were forced together.

"Ow," Skoodge said. "That was unpleasant."

"Agreed," Bob replied.

Invader Aqua12 appeared for no logical reason and grabbed Heart by the ears while yelling into them. "IT'S SPELLED 'JHONEN' FOR THE LOVE OF IRK!"

"Ow ow ow ow!" the author winced in pain. "I think I fixed that problem, but you guys will have to check on it! Sorry! Owwowowowow!"

DaughterofDemeter123 replaced Aqua as Heart rubbed her ears. "First, all of the humans (and Red) must watch High School Musical 1-3 while eating those stale circus peanut marshmallow things. Then, all of the Irkens must act out scenes from Twilight, with a fangirl playing Bella. Oh yeah. And after all of that shiz, give Zimmykinz a chocolate chip cookie. SMOKE SCREENS FOREVAH!11ONE!1"

That fan disappeared while everything was being set up.

"I hope she doesn't mean WE have to watch that stuff too," Mayo said.

"I hope I developed some immunity when SOMEONE INSISTED on watching those stupid things!" Heart glared in the direction of her sister.

"Hey! I thought they would be good!"

Both of the Tallest appeared in the middle of the room, shivering and twitching.

"What did you do to them?" sighed Mayo God.

"I just played hide and seek, why?" Heart looked at her innocently.

"You used the dark room and the false sounds again, didn't you?"

"What fun would hide and seek be if it didn't have that stuff?"

"You really need to throw in some more of that ability to tell the difference between right and wrong when you split yourself again."

"Pssh. You're just jealous YOU didn't get to play."

The humans and Red became tied down in front of a TV while they were force-feed carnival peanut marshmallow things.

"It's horrible!" Dib moaned. "Who would want to watch this stuff!"

"Make it stop!"yelled Red.

"This is so cool!" keef cheered.

Everyone glared at him.

As soon as that was over, Heart pulled out a whip and made the Irkens act. The resulting movie was so mind-numbingly horrible, it has been banned from three out of every four dimensions and Realms on account for the efforts angry Twilight fans and the explosions of many heads.

Heart yelled out the door. "And stay out! Stupid Twilight fans ruining my directing."

Mayo kneeled over a toilet. "Thank god for Twilight fans."

Zim nommed angrily on a cookie. "Why is it that I was the one who had to kiss the horrible meat human?"

"Because you make the worst Edward," explained Heart.

"Ooooooooooh oooooooooh!" Soulstealer knocked the author over in an attempt to tell said author something. "Can I steal Red's soul in front of everyone else? I've been SOOOOOOOOOOO waiting to do that! I'll give it back! I'll just keep it in a creepy bottle until the end of the chapter! Maybe I should put someone else's soul into him so that he acts like a fangirl or somfin. And I also think you should tie Gir to Ms. Bitters and have them added too. That would be hilarious! Glorious! I promise I'll be normal!"

She heaved Heart up and grabed her by the shoulders, shaking roughly. "NORMAL I SAY!"

"Sure sure, fine," agreed Heart dizzily. "Just private message me or something. Your wish is my command."

She fainted to the floor and the fan disappeared. Ms. Bitters melted from the shadows, tied to a chair with Gir attached to her head.

"Tacos! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Gir cheered, turning on his jets and spinning around.

"SILENCE!" commanded the evil teacher.

"Someone needs a hug!"

"AHHHGGG!"

A letter floated downinto Mayo's hands. " writes in 'Aww you changed it…:/ still funny though.' Well, dear reviewer, of course we changed it. You can't go through life without change."

In the most dramatic way possible, XxFuTuRe-EaRtH-RuLeRxX became present in the middle of the room. "HELLO THERE ALL OF YOU! (I LOVE ALL OF YOU!) IT IS I, YOUR FUTURE RULER, AND I HAVE COME TO QUESTION YOU AND TO CONGRATULATE THE AUTHOR OF THIS AWSOME STORY SO….CONGRATULATIONS!"

"Quit it with all the yelling already!" Heart shouted. "We're right here!"

"NOW THAT I GOT THAT OUT OF THE WAY…WAIT DID I MENTION I LOVEEE ZADR? NO? BUT I ALSO SUPPORT ZAGR, DATR, GAMR, AND RAPR! MUAHAHAHA! I AM YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!"

"Are you sure?" Mayo asked. "Cause I once had this really scary nightmare involving a McDonald's playland. I still don't know WHAT exactly was going on, but I assure you, it was scary as Brittany Spears and Lady Gaga!"

The fan ignored her. "Zim: Where's Minimoose? ME WANT MINIMOOSE! OR YOU SHALL FEEL MY WRATH!*shakes fists at Zim*"

"Minimoose?" Zim asked, dumbfounded.

"Oh yeah," Heart flicked her fingers. "You were unconscious when I honored Minimoose."

"Nyaaa!" a tiny flying purple moose squeeled.

"What is that?" Zim pointed dramatically at the moose.

"Minimoose! This robot was created by you using experimental Doomsday technology from Planet Vort!" Heart cheered. "Too bad the episode 'Nubs of Doom' was never released. I would have watched it plenty of times!"

"Okay, you keep mentioning episodes," Skoodge piped up. "What are you talking about?"

"Invader Zim episodes, duh!" Mayo God rolled her eyes.

"Episodes of me?" Zim asked, slightly confused.

"Kinda," answered Heart. "It's basically about you, Dib, and Gaz. The idea was created by the all powerful Jhonen Vasquez and this is why we fans know so much about you!"

"What kind of things?" Dib asked slyly.

"Some stuff about Irkens, about your true origins, the truth about Zim's mission," Mato God counted off on her fingers, "your day to day activities, Gir, stuff about Zim, a whole bunch of stuff, basically."

"We should show them 'Zim Eats Waffles'!" Heart pitched in.

"You really like interrupting this guy, don't you?" Mayo gestured to the fan with the frustatingly weird penname.

"Well, yeah. It's my JOB to make fun of things in this fanfic. It would be boring if I didn't."

"Never mind the whatever you were talking about!" Dib shouted, catching the two writer's attention. "What do you mean my 'true origins'? I had a mom just like everyone else! I just don't remember her."

"And my mission!" Zim demanded. "The truth is that the Tallest were so grateful for my work in Operation Impending Doom, they gave me a top secret mission! Nothing I don't deserve! There is no lies in it!"

Both girls grinned knowingly at each other.

"Stop that grinning! The Tallest wouldn't lie to the almighty ZIM!"

"Sure, Zim," Heart laughed and rolled her eyes. "I'm sure that's what the Vortians thought too."

"You're using that human sarcasm thing, aren't you?" Zim demanded. "TELL ZIM ALL YOU KNOW!"

The fox-author danced out of the way of his claws, giggling. "Even if the fans told me to tell you, I'd erase your memory! Face it! You'll never know!"

XxFuTuRe…whatever. I'll just call him 'X's. Anyway, "X's shouted at Zim," NOW…KISS DIB AND MAKE IT A GOOD KISS OR I WILL TEAR YOU PAK OFF!"

Zim panicked and hurriedly smashed his lips together with Dib's.

"Blaagh!" Dib tried to spit out the memory of that instint.

"Dib: Your head isn't big just ignore what people say and remember crazy always equals awesome…"

"Oh so NOW you stop yelling," Heart huffed.

"I know!" Dib agreed with the fan. "I'm starting to think everyone calls it big just to annoy me!"

"Oh you poor doomed child," Ms. Bitter's shook her head.

"Do you want to play with Pig?" Gir asked innocently, still tied to the teacher's head.

Growl.

"…NOW KISS ZIM OR YOU'LL BE THE FIRST ONE TO GO WHEN I RULE THE WORLD!" the fan yelled.

"Rulling the Earth is MY job, slave!" Zim yelled back.

Heart shoved the two freinemies together so that they were forced into a kiss. 'X's handed them both cookies for their satisfactory behavior, which they munched on angrily.

"Gaz: Well…here's some pizza I stole from a delivery guy," 'X's gave her the pizza.

"Meh," Gaz grumbled, munching the cheesy goodness.

"Tak: You're cool in an awesome twisted way…I LOVE THE POEM YOU TELL ZIM, IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING I'D TELL MY EX…well here are some snacks," 'X's teleported some snacks to Tak.

"Thanks," Tak replied simply before munching on the snackadge.

"Red: LASERS ARE AMAIZING! Purple: Well I kinda understand why you hate lasers I mean if I'd gotten hit in the eye with them then I'd probably hate them too but SMOKE MACHINES ARE BORING…THEY JUST BLOW SMOKE NOTHING SPECIAL."

"Nonsense," Heart retorted. "Smoke machines create great coverage for spooking innocent bystanders. And besides, by a popular vote on a poll I made, a combination of smoke machines and lasers is preferred. I mean, can't you just imagine how COOL that would look in a party? The lasers would totally refract epically off the smoke and everything would be so AWSOME!"

"Hey, that does sound pretty neat," Purple whispered to Red.

"I think so too," he replied.

'X's handed donuts to the Tallest and cupcakes to Heartofstone15.

Heart looked down at the box before looking back at the reviewer. "Your name is still too hard to type over and over again, 'X's."

"WELL THAT IS ALL FOR NOW BUT I SHALL BE BACK! BOW DOWN BEFORE MY SUPERIORNESS!" with that, 'X's left.

"NEVER!" Yelled Heart defiantly.

"Is that all of them?" Mayo asked, sinking into a chair. "I hope that's everyone. I need some sleep."

'X's burst back into exsistance. "OMZ I FORGOT GIR IN MY LAST REVIEW! HOW COULD THAT HAVE HAPPENED? I BLAME THE MUFFINS FOR THIS EVIL DEED THEY ARE JUST JEALOUS I'M ALIGNED WITH THE CUPCAKES! Gir: I give you a lifetime supply of cupcakes, tacos, and waffles but you have to give Mimi a big hug and a kiss…LONG LIVE GirAMR."

The malfunctioning robot attached to Ms. Bitters's head gasped and broke free of the bonds tying him down. He smooched and hugged the other robot before diving into the pile of food.

"NOW..THIS IS ALL! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" again, the reviewer disappeared.

"And now for the magical announcement before I post this chapter," sighed Heart.

_**Next chapter will be a battle of the holidays along with the normal procedure! Along with Nightmare Bitters, the evil Santa suit, and a giant talking turkey, any number of holiday creatures you, the reviewers, submit will have an epic battle of epic proportions using events that either you people submit or I make up. REVIEW UNLESS YOU WANT THIS FANFIC TO SUCK!**_

"You know," Heart notted. "I don't feel like spellchecking. Theyll just haze tp deak wityh it."

"At least you submitted this thing before 2011," Mayo replied.


End file.
